The New York Times ran an article recently with the rather fascinating headline: “Eager for Grandchildren, and Wanting Daughters’ Eggs in Freezer”.

Ovum my dead body… there's no guarantee freezing these will make a difference

The front-page story was about the growing phenomenon of American parents helping their single daughters to freeze their eggs for later use – at a cost of anywhere between $A 7,500 and $17,000. Why? Well, as 61-year-old Candice Kramer put it: “By the time Allison was 35, I felt the clock was tick-tick-ticking. I viewed it as opening up an opportunity for her.”

Call it a grandchild insurance policy. With women increasingly deferring babies until later in life, America’s would-be grandparents are investing in hope.

In fact, the practice is becoming so common that one US clinic has begun marketing “Gift of Hope” packages with a special certificate and silver charm bracelet for the recipient. Only in America, right?

Well, I’d say only in America [itals] right now. Fertility SA says they have not yet frozen the eggs of a woman purely as an insurance against age, although the procedure is available.

One major factor is cost. The freezing of eggs isn’t covered by Medicare unless there’s a specific medical reason – struggling to get pregnant naturally, known reduced ovarian reserve, or imminent cancer treatment, for example. Without the Medicare rebate, out-of-pocket expenses can easily hit $5000.

A few other issues might be at play, too.
For one, in Australia the freezing of eggs has always been considered a medical necessity, not a lifestyle choice. (Sure, it’s unconventional, but to my way of thinking it’s also understandable – particularly for those women who are desperate for a child, racing through their 30s and unable to find Mr Right.)

But another reason could be the general lack of awareness about the rapid deterioration of eggs as women move through their 30s.

Reduced fertility is now widely understood, but until this week I had no idea that the chance of your baby being born with birth defects also increases with age.

Although published statistics show little change in the number of congenital abnormalities in the past decade, newly appointed Director of Clinical Services at Flinders IVF Michael McEvoy says he’s seen a definite trend in babies being born with defects as women increasingly seek to start a family in their late 30s and 40s.

“Many women seem to be under a false illusion of perpetual fertility when in actual fact their chances of infertility, miscarriage and birth defects increase every year,” says Dr McEvoy, who’s been a gynecologist in Adelaide for the past 30 years.

“A 39-year-old woman, for example, has 39-year-old eggs. Male sperm, on the other hand, is only about 70 days old. The older an egg gets, the greater the likelihood of complication.

“Some women just expect to have a normal baby at 40, but very clearly their eggs are past their prime and they should accept that, sadly in some cases, there will be a poor outcome.”

We 40-somethings weren’t given this sobering news back in school. In fact we were told the opposite: have sex and you’ll fall pregnant. Little wonder that my generation of women has sailed through life believing we can have it all, when all along our bodies have been conspiring against us.

And little wonder that in America, wised-up, grandchild-less parents are confronting their daughters with what one commentator describes as “the postmodern, adult birds-and-the-bees talk”.

I’m not encouraging Australian women to race out and have babies. I’m not suggesting you all dash off to a fertility clinic and freeze your eggs (sadly, there’s no absolute guarantee that even young eggs will be viable when a woman comes to using them).

But in the quest for women’s rights, perhaps we’ve forgotten the importance of informed choices. Yes, it’s great that we enjoy more work/life options than ever before. But the reality is our bodies have limitations.

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    • TracyH says:

      08:02am | 22/07/12

      “Reduced fertility is now widely understood, but until this week I had no idea that the chance of your baby being born with birth defects also increases with age.” Are you serious? This has been common knowledge for decades. Why do you think older pregnant women are offerred amnioceses tests?

      Imagine if the trend of older mothers continues…women will have octoganarian mothers, and their own babies at 40…so two loved ones who need a lot of care, probably a career to get back to quickly, and only paid support (never as good as emotionally invested support) available. Who will be the loser? Women and their children.The woman would be exhausted, the child whould miss out on grandparents. Sure, people will say the fathers should step up, why is it always the woman who has to take it all on board? But the thing is, it IS the women who feel the brunt. It’s just not a smart path to continue down.

    • Eva says:

      09:08am | 22/07/12

      Not only does an older egg mean a higher chance of abnormalities but as the male sperm is the result of many, many ‘generations’ of ‘splitting, coding, building’ the chances of genetic mistakes are much much higher, the older the man becomes too.  (Please excuse my layman’s description of zygote formation.)
       
      The best solution is still to choose to have a family younger if possible.

    • Bitten says:

      02:05pm | 22/07/12

      “Reduced fertility is now widely understood, but until this week I had no idea that the chance of your baby being born with birth defects also increases with age.” Are you serious? This has been common knowledge for decades. Why do you think older pregnant women are offerred amniocentesis tests?

      I’m depressed by the author’s ignorance too TracyH, but sadly it’s not uncommon. The modern obstetric patient we see is an absurd combination of wilful ignorance (“eyes closed singing lalalalala I don’t want to hear about the risks I just want to hear my baby is going to be perfect because I’m perfect) and ‘google-research’ (is it true that sound waves from the ultrasound can harm the baby?) with a goodly dose of anecdotal ‘evidence’: you know, my best friend’s auntie’s chiropractor’s dry-cleaner had a baby at 46 and she was fine and reckons it was all down to eating organic and doing handstands every morning.

    • ME says:

      08:09am | 22/07/12

      Mmmm decisions, decisions. The choices we make dictate the life we lead. Ladies alike, do as you damn well please. Stop listening to the Mondays experts rant on about how it should or shouldnt be done. Do what you feel is right for you at the time and go forth in that decision be it advantageous or adverse. This pressure is crazy to act now; just be. We are all products of the past. We all make choices based on past voices and experiences. We all make good and bad choices. Please, do as you please. Comparing us to the USA or to SA or even to Anbloodytartica’s progress is non sense. Listen to your independant inner voice, not the voice of a complete other nation. Its your choice, not other peoples on another continent, or the same continent at that. We are different cultures ahead and behind accordingly. Be right here, right now, in your own mind frame.

    • Rose says:

      01:40pm | 22/07/12

      It’s fine to make your own decisions, but you need to look at what is happening outside of your little bubble to a) know the facts b) know all available options and c) to be able to make informed, logical decisions. Lainie has clearly refused to take on board knowledge that has been around for decades, the knowledge the gettng pregnant, staying pregnant and having a healthy, ‘normal’ baby, all become increasingly difficult as a woman gets older. So yes it’s your choice, but it is also your responsibility to ensure that your choices are educated ones.
      As for women making the choice to delay pregnancy, often it’s a case of “it won’t happen to me”, believing that somehow they will not fall victim to the risks of older motherhood. When women start acknowledging that if they are going to delay motherhood until they are in their 40s, they’re counting on luck as much as anything else then they can really make informed decisions.

    • Maxine says:

      08:38am | 22/07/12

      You can’t have everything in life. Somethings have to be sacrificed, Gillard is happy enough to just look after herself. That is always an option. A beautiful, independent and practical option. Why care about others or God forbid a child!

    • TracyH says:

      09:13am | 22/07/12

      True Maxine…but the thing is, if no-one has a child, who will be the doctors, carers etc when we need them later? I’m all for free choice. I really wouldn’t even consider having a chid today. But I’m thankful that others do, for my own selfish needs later.

    • Charlotte says:

      11:09am | 22/07/12

      @ Maxzine

      So are you saying that if you don’t have a child, or you’re not looking after a child, then you are not caring about others? What a sanctimonious “mummy is a martyr’ mentality, which gives the rest of us parents a bad name (and makes others call us “breeders”).

      What about those without kids who care for the elderly, or the disabled, or an ill sibling. What about those who volunteer in nursing homes, or with animal shelters? What about those who volunteer for the Red Cross? What about those without kids who volunteer their holiday time overseas, helping build sustainable farms or teach disabled adults in poorer nations? Or does it only count if people look after children?? I know so many childfree by choice people who donate their time, resources and money to many worthy and varied charities or look after disabled friends or the terminally ill. Interestingly, in the aged care nursing home I work in, it was tragic to see many elderly people get dressed up in hope that their kids and grandkids would visit them on a Saturday or Sunday, only to be bitterly disappointed when the selfish gits wouldn’t show. I’ve spent four Christmases with the elderly in said facilities because their kids didn’t want the drama and “hassel” of having to manage somebody who was ill or infirmed. Because it might spoil the Christmas fun of the rest of the family - I mean - “God forbid” that an elderly grandparent interfer with the rest of the family (except when the elderly parent/grandparent is about to pass away, then their kids swarm like vultures ready to pick at the Will).
      I’m a mother of three teenagers. However I’d have to say that many of today’s parents, mothers in particular, are incredilby selfish. More selfish that a lot of people without kids.

      @ TraceyH

      I think Maxine was being sarcastic and agreeing with you.

    • Stephen says:

      09:52am | 22/07/12

      Quest for women’s rights?

      What quest are you referring to? What rights are they deprived of?

    • Beardo says:

      09:53am | 22/07/12

      Only themselves to blame. Even the fatties won’t go out with me. And I’m a decent looking guy.

    • TracyH says:

      10:24am | 22/07/12

      I hear you Beardo…I think this is a result of all younger generations today having been raised to expect the best of everything, don’t ‘settle’ for less, etc. The wole ‘self esteem’ movement that began in the 70’s has created a heap of people who really do miss the point that even though they expect ‘the best’, do they themselves fall into ‘the best’ category? This is not a dig at Gen X or Y…it is a dig at a society that created it.

    • stephen says:

      11:50am | 22/07/12

      Fatties are expensive, and not only in food but the cost of cotton is going through the roof.
      They thunder when they walk and draw attention to themselves and you - you with scales and her with the hoof.
      But you only have yourself to blame if you’re decent but remain aloof.
      So don’t blame them, blame you ; ‘fatties,’ as a collective word best describes the matter between ones ears if self-pity keeps one from realizing decent is not the same as decency ... so come on down, come on down from that roof.

    • Rose says:

      02:55pm | 22/07/12

      At the risk of being insensitive, I would have to ask whether or not there is something about you, real or perceive that is putting women off. Are you the one trying to ‘punch above your weight’? Do you have some habit or peculiarity that some may find off-putting? Are you actually asking women out or are you waiting for someone to ask you? I’m not trying to be mean, but sometimes we all need to admit to our shortcomings and deal with them before we can get others on side.
      TracyH, I’ve told my kids not to settle, I’ve told them it’s not about money, looks or any of the other superficial stuff but if they can’t stay up for hours with them just talking, if they don’t genuinely enjoy their company of if they feel that they aren’t supportive and genuinely interested in them then they probably aren’t the way to go. The first part of a relationship should be very relaxed and easy, with neither one needing to feel as if they have to put on some sort of extra effort or a front to keep the other happy. The hard work shouldn’t come into it until later when you start talking commitment, joint decision making and dealing with real responsibilities which are going to make real differences in their lives.
      It’s shouldn’t ever be a question about whether another person is ‘good enough’ or ‘the best’, they should be looking for the person who is the best, natural fit for them!

    • jase says:

      06:18pm | 22/07/12

      Actually Rose, ask many men about this phenomenon and the vast majority will say something similar to Beardo.
      Of the women which I have dated over the years, one point stands out with Australians, they mostly have incredible expectations.

      Beardo, they say the grass is not always greener.. Trust me the grass is greener overseas, get out, travel, seek and you will find!

    • M says:

      11:05am | 23/07/12

      Australian women can be very selfish I’ve found. They don’t even realise that they are though, they’ve just always grown up with this expectation that they can have everything/any thing they want, and if it doesn’t come up to her standard, then it’s her way or the highway. No room for compromise, very little give and too much take.

      European girls are much nicer.

    • George says:

      10:38am | 22/07/12

      House prices are too high and both sides of government are hell bent on massive amounts of immigration anyway to support older peoples’ share portfolios, investment properties and for big business.

      However people in their 30s are no angels as a lot of them wasted their youth travelling and or partying and or rooting around. 

      Oh well, at least you won’t have to put up with The Wiggles.

    • miloinacup says:

      01:47pm | 22/07/12

      However people in their 30s are no angels as a lot of them wasted their youth travelling and or partying and or rooting around. 

      “Wasted” their youth? Sounds like a bloody fun time to me.

    • BJ says:

      02:19pm | 22/07/12

      Anyone who isn’t sick to death of nightclubs by age 30 has clearly wasted the previous 12 years.

    • M says:

      11:12am | 23/07/12

      If that’s wasting my youth, then consider me a lost cause. It’s not like I can do it at 40 now is it?

    • Sickemrex says:

      11:47am | 22/07/12

      Damn statistics eh?  At age 25, the incidence of Down’s Syndrome per birth is 1 in 1250, at age 40 it’s 1 in 100.  It’s much more likely but still in the grand scheme of things, not likely.  Fertility rates fall in the 30s for sure.  Didn’t stop me conceiving 6 weeks after trying at age 36 then again after 3 months of trying at 39.  I didn’t meet my husband until I was 30 and then we tried to get ourselves into some kind of sensible financial position before starting a family.  Sure, in a perfect world we would have met younger and saved every penny but it has still all worked out.

      I think most young men and women are aware of the issues and are just trying to do their best given their circumstances at the time.

    • Anjuli says:

      11:51am | 22/07/12

      I was considered an older first time mother I had trouble conceiving, when I had my first child nearly 48 years ago ,all the rest on the ward were 24 and younger some having their 3rd child . At 78 I am now baby sitting my youngest daughters 2 children and have been since the first ones birth 10 years ago .I fill in when my daughters husband is called away due to his employment . The children are full of energy which i do not have, are very well behaved one is high functioning autistic thank goodness . I find it very hard , If people want children I am of the opinion younger is better , when couples go the way of IVF I always think of of the needle which inserts the sperm ,does it do harm.

    • Jessica says:

      02:59pm | 22/07/12

      The sperm being inserted via needle in the egg is a very small percentage of IVF…a process called ICSI.  In most cases, the sperm is just thrown in the with the egg and it swims over and impregnates in the normal manner.  Of course this is different to the really ‘normal’ manner…but important to know the difference I think.

    • fairsfair says:

      12:27pm | 22/07/12

      “But in the quest for women’s rights, perhaps we’ve forgotten the importance of informed choices. Yes, it’s great that we enjoy more work/life options than ever before. But the reality is our bodies have limitations. “

      I struggle to work out why this is news to anyone? I’m nudging 30 and I wasn’t told this at school either. How can you be a “successful career woman” and not put the pieces together for yourself?

      I really like kids, but I doubt I will ever have my own. I am really tired of every life achievement being overlooked by those who have functioning and test driven reproductive organs. Children just aren’t for everyone and if my parents tried to do this to me I would be horrified. Developmental issues of the foetus aside - just imagine the emotional impact this type of suggestion would have to a woman who was desperate for a baby but wasn’t in her preferred situation to make that happen.

      Truth be told it is not the child that I don’t want. I don’t want to be a mother. When I say that I don’t mean that I don’t want to care for another person or have the responsibility - I don’t want to have to contend with the judgement and bullshit that goes along with even deciding what you will dress your child in for the day.

      If even their very conception and delivery is a grand sociological discussion on women’s rights interwoven with some sort of biological jelousy that a 39 year old man’s sperm is a spritely 70 days old - urgh my brain hurts. I might get a dog one day.

    • TracyH says:

      02:11pm | 22/07/12

      Yes, dogs are awesome! But please get two smile. Oops, sorry…even choosing a pet these days is open for anaysis! smile

    • Elphaba says:

      03:35pm | 22/07/12

      You! Where have you been? I’ve missed you.  grin

      Yeah, if my parents bought me a ‘gift of hope’ I’d be extremely offended!

    • Drama Queen says:

      09:27am | 23/07/12

      “I don’t want to have to contend with the judgement and bullshit that goes along with even deciding what you will dress your child in for the day.”

      Why do you even care what other people think? I never understand people who make decisions based on what the Women’s Weekly is telling them is normal.

    • ME says:

      02:49pm | 22/07/12

      I value your comments Rose, however my choices are educated ones. Have you ever thought that maybe collectively we arent too self obsessed, and that we actually do not want to contribute maternally to the breeding cycle?  Its definately not something that I have been hiding behind thinking ‘oh well, I will put it off till later….’ Maybe the time has never been right and with education, common sense and making right sexual choices I just havent fallen pregnant and had to face the decision to give birth or not. Just because we are capable of breeding, doesnt mean its appropriate. There are enough stupid people still breeding who clearly should never have in the first place that I maybe just am not prepared to deal with that. I find I can contribute to this precious world we live in, in many other ways. And if your next argument is that I will be lonely, well, hay, Im not having kids just to make my old age happy and secure from the lonliness of life. I just couldnt do that.

    • Rose says:

      04:26pm | 22/07/12

      I don’t think you understand where I’m coming from. I couldn’t give a toss whether people have kids or not, I have great respect for people who are honest enough to understand that they either don’t want children or that they won’t be very good parents for whatever reason. For those who choose to have kids, good on them, provided they have chosen to have them for the ‘right’ reasons (whatever they are), and not simply because it’s what’s expected.
      My problem with your post was the way it seemingly turned its back on getting information. That the egg declines with age is not an opinion, it’s biology, and people should take it into account when making choices. People should look at others and weigh up their input. Some younger parents will tell you it was all a bed of roses while others will explain how hard it was financially to try and establish themselves while raising kids. Some will say it was all fun and games while others will tell you how shitty it felt while they were stuck at home up to their knees in nappies while their friend were living the high life, partying, travelling and blowing $$$ on stuff they didn’t need but that made them happy. Look at older parents and learn that while some will talk about how cool it was to be able to enjoy their kids and not worry about money while others will tell you they have never been so tired in their lives and they didn’t realize it would be so hard. Some enjoy taking their foot off the work pedal, others miss the external stimulus, some don’t mind getting caught up in the kiddie world, others look on at friends whose kids are starting to fly the coop and miss the freedom.
      Point is, you can’t make major decisions without taking into account others’ experiences, biology and other indisputable facts and other sources of information. Doing what feels good at the time, without considering the wider implications, may well come back and bite you on the arse later, bigtime!!

    • Julia says:

      03:12pm | 22/07/12

      Sigh. Same old commentary focusing on women supposedly being under a ‘false illusion.’ No mention, however, of men in that picture. The men who won’t commit, who spend years wasting women’s fertile years, who put off fathering. It takes two to make a baby and, as usual, only half the story is being told.

    • ByStealth says:

      04:16pm | 22/07/12

      I see you’re chanelling Sam de Brito.

      Men commit to quality women, when and if they’re ready. If more women asked themselves what’s in it for the guy and try to give it to him, they’ll have less of an issue with getting guys to want to hang around.

      Also, in our current legal system as soon as a woman gets bored she can divorce her husband, and get the majority custody of the kids (all other things being equal). Why would a bloke want to have kids in the first place when there’s such a 50% chance those kids won’t spend their first 18 years under his roof?

    • Rose says:

      04:44pm | 22/07/12

      Julia, you are getting all worked up about men but really, it’s not their choice to make. If women are going to demand the right to abort a foetus on the grounds that it’s their body their right, they cannot then turn around and make men responsible for their fertility at other times. If a woman is armed with the facts about the risk of declining quality of eggs with age, then she can choose whether or not to waste her fertile years on some one who doesn’t share her desire to parent (or not).
      This is about Biology, not choices or rights or blame shifting. Your eggs will most likely decline with age, the risks of pregnancy (to mother and baby) increase with age. Women need to get up to speed with the facts, forget the feminist argument, it’s not relevant and start making informed decisions. The only wrong decisions are those we didn’t actually make and those we made without considering the facts and the implications.
      This one is not men’s fault, there is plenty of other stuff to blame them for, just not this!

    • M says:

      11:07am | 23/07/12

      I’m sorry, but I’m not ready for marriage this early in my 20s. Plenty of my friends were though, perhaps you women are focusing on the wrong sorts of men?

    • Inky says:

      02:46pm | 23/07/12

      How dare those evil men refuse to father children, despite their own wishes! How dare they!

      Hey, Julia? Bite me. No, seirously. I have no wish to be a father and doubt this’ll change with time. I don’t think I’d make a particularly good one and really don’t want to go through it. Oddly enough, this is my decision, and I’ll state as much upfront to anyone.

    • Rachel says:

      03:25pm | 22/07/12

      I got married at 17 and had my first baby at 18.
      It was incredibly hard but looking back I think it was a great way to spend those super energetic and healthy early 20’s.
      Now I’m 29 and I have a 11 and 7 year old. My baby days are well behind me and I can focus on study and improving myself as a person.

      I am very glad I had my babies when I was young. I think the older you get the less thrilled you are at a huge life upheaval and tend to be far more obsessive over the little details. It would make child raising incredibly stressful.

      Plus, all my friends married in their early 20’s and are having babies in their mid to late 20’s. I think the generation before mine left quite a legacy of leaving it too long so that my generation have learned from their mistakes.

      I ink young women in their late teens should have a maternal health type check so that they are aware of how healthy or unhealthy their reproductive parts are and go into their future empowered.

    • Ray says:

      05:25pm | 22/07/12

      It is not in the national interest to have human ova treated as a commodity.

      Women should be better educated about the fact that their fertility declines after 30, and that if they desire to be mothers, child-bearing should start when they are in their twenties. Those deliberately ignoring these facts, should not expect the community to subsidise their having to use IVF services later in life.

      Government expenditure on health services increases annually at a higher rate than other Australian expenditure categories. This is not surprising given that there is no cap on services such as IVF treatment. Extending Medicare coverage to the freezing of human ova, would raise health expenditure even more sharply.

      It is high time that the right to life is restored in the community. This should mean that, instead of aborting to terminate the life of the unborn, those babies should be allowed to be born and be made available to women who would otherwise resort to IVF treatment.

    • ME says:

      06:27pm | 22/07/12

      Thank you Rose. My mother broached me with this topic of freezing and storing my fertile eggs five years ago.  Its not new information to me. I could take on motherhood pretty well I think. Love kids, always have. I have looked into it and I believe it to be a gamble to concieve via means of ‘freeze and store now, insaminate later’ methods. If it is my mind that is retarded in maturation and then later it bights me on the butt big time, well that was a decision that I made that dictated my life. I am prepared for that, but if that certain cog just hasnt clicked in my head, well it just hasnt. Im not going to speed something up, ‘act now’,  and buy into all this, ‘you’ll be sorry stuff’, coz it will eat me alive. I have an analogy to attempt similation; Im the type of gal that ordinarily when I go to the shops, when I start weighing up, analyzing, cross examining so to say ‘products’, I walk away. If I genuinely know I want something, its a sure thing, I know it and purchase the item. In conceiving a foetus understandably Im not buying a product; I would be conceiving and birthing a child. To me however similiary this is something for me that I think I have the intuition within me to know when its right and to let it just happen, naturally, if so be it.  So, I am not heading out shopping for a child just because later the penny may drop with me and maybe I will feel the time is right to conceive. Its just not right for me to do that. I dont see it as that kind of transaction. And also as I said, ‘‘We are all products of the past. We all make choices based on past voices and experiences.’’ So, its not that I am not listening or taking in other view points as you have pointed out, its just not right to expect that as females that we are all where other females are in the maternal department, coz sadly for you Rose, we simply all are not. Sad you might think Rose that if one day I wake up and think ‘oh shit, I know what I should have done’, but Rose that will be my journey, my mistake if you will. It just simply isnt right for me. Is that ok with you?  Again, thanks for your input though. Just out of interest tho, do you know a good looking, single, reliant, self starter brother or friend in his 30s at all?!! Coz they are bloody hard to find Rose and I am not sure it is ethical to go it alone.

    • Rose says:

      08:34pm | 22/07/12

      I’m not sure where you’re coming from or why you are being so defensive, because in effect, I have actually been agreeing with you in regards to this post. I’m just saying make a decision based on input from various sources, whatever that decision may be. I said earlier I have a lot of respect for people who make a conscious choice not to have children, and not as much for people who have kids just because that’s what they’re ‘meant to do’.
      As for stuff biting you in the arse, that is generally the thing that happens when people don’t take time out to have a think about things. If you’ve sat down and thought things through, even if you change your mind later, at least you know why you did what you did and you know it was right for you at the time. You’r right, it’s your journey and whatever happens is yours to deal with, my only point has ever been that people should make sure their decisions are informed.
      As for a 30 something bloke, good luck with that. I’m not that sure it’s so unethical to go it alone, again depends on your options and the effort put in to making the situation work,

    • Katie says:

      11:36pm | 22/07/12

      In my younger days I always thought that, by 33, I would have found Mr Right, been married, and have started a family.  But sometimes things don’t work out the way we expect.  I would be an amazing mother, and desperately want children, but I’m not about to go freezing eggs to achieve that dream.  If you’re too old to conceive naturally, then your body is telling you you’re too old!

    • ME says:

      07:48am | 23/07/12

      Finally Rose, it is you that suggested I look outside my bubble and make informed choices A, B and C. I never once suggested or stated that I am not making informed choices from diverse sources. I suggested that all females should take a wholistic approach and also look inward aswell as listen to studies and expectations of society.  Also, its not unethical to go it alone as I lead to, however, maybe not ‘ideal’ would be a better choice of word. Its not defensive either, its a wall us childless females are putting up these days from the building pressure we seem to be getting from society on how we should live our lives based on other people’s hindsight and expectations.

    • M says:

      09:33am | 23/07/12

      A friend of mine is a nurse who doesn’t believe me when I say that she’s already got all her eggs and her body isn’t going to make any more.

    • SKA says:

      12:00pm | 23/07/12

      While this article is about knowing the choices, I think it’s a sad fact that most women do know this about their fertility and are racing around trying to find someone they like enough to have kids with. It’s not always about Mr Right - most women I know just want to find someone that they like talking to. I know that’s how I feel - my parents have regularly told me in the past that I should be more picky (this is despite only having had 2 boyfriends… neither treated me well at all and I just put up with it). Both my flatmates are in their early 30s. Both want to be mothers and are conscious they have a limited period to do this. One is single. The other is in a new relationship. It’s not that easy. The one in a new relationship, should the relationship go the distance, be looking at being married in the next 2 years with children shortly after. That will place her in her mid/late 30s. I have often thought that if I haven’t met someone by a certain age, I’ll go it alone… but then, that requires me to have enough money set aside to support myself and a child and still keep saving for retirement. It’s a big thing to consider. I guess the point of what I’m saying is that for many people, they don’t really have a choice but to keep waiting, and telling them they did have a choice is not always helpful.

    • M says:

      12:25pm | 23/07/12

      Surely it can’t be that hard to find a man?

    • C says:

      09:35am | 24/07/12

      @M

      No, it isn’t. But you have to remember that when it comes to men, the golden rule is: Money, Looks, Personality; pick two.

      Australian women seem to be focused solely on finding men with all three, and then some. Those kind of blokes are one in a thousand, and you’d better be a 10/10 rocket scientist trust fund baby yourself if you want him to notice you amongst the hordes of other women with the same intentions.

    • Sam says:

      12:55pm | 23/07/12

      Maybe women have it the wrong way around… maybe they should be focussing on marriage and babies in their twenties and career in their thirties and beyond.  That’s what I did.  Now in my forties, my kids have left home for uni, it didn’t take me long to regain any ‘ground’ in my career and earnings… husband and I are fit and well, still in love and looking forward to the second half of our lives with adult children.

      I reckon women (and men) need to learn how to BE marriageable .... not how to FIND someone marriageable.  It may sound despicably old fashion, but women need to know what men are looking for.  Maybe fiercely independent, sexually aggressive, career oriented women are just not deeply attractive to men.  Sorry, but I found that I had to lay aside some of my fierce independence to learn to live in a loving marriage.  Its give and take both ways, but I think women need to find their softer side.  Someone once said to me, that in a women, a man looks for ‘a soft place to land’.... a place of solace, support, encouragement, ... yes, of course brains matter, but a sustaining marriage needs a softness.

    • Tigger says:

      01:28pm | 23/07/12

      Sam, your comment just makes far too much sense.

    • M says:

      01:36pm | 23/07/12

      Sam, If I found a woman like you i’d marry her in a heartbeat.

 

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