Prince Harry failed centuries of royal tradition last week. Badly.

An extremely rare picture of Prince Harry with pants on

Take the tale of another British prince who was also rather fond of the ladies. Too fond of the ladies. He chased them after lunch and after dinner. Well, he waddled after them, anyway.His list of dalliances reads like a who’s who of socialites and actresses. He did much for French-Anglo relations, some of it while plonked on a siege damour, or a love seat, from where he would ravish one or more prostitutes at a time.

To glimpse the chair now is to vomit in your mouth.

This prince wasn’t very good at school. He was sent off to the army. At army camp, fellow officers arranged for an actress to visit to ease the tedium of his stay. He reportedly diarised Nellie Clifden’s encounters like this:

September 6, NC first time. September 9, NC second time. September 10, NC third time.

The prince was the despair of his guardians. He drifted, hedonistic of nature and devoid of zeal, except for picking up women, although he did develop a knack for the public duties. He mastered tree planting ceremonies and overseas goodwill visits.

His name was Bertie, later to be King Edward VII. His nickname was Tum Tum, mainly because he was built like a beachball. His approach to fidelity took cues going back to Henry the VIII, and it’s fair to say this tendency has run in the family since.

Bertie’s history is worth recounting for several reasons. While he ate and copulated his way through the veils of boredom, the empire did not crumble - well, actually it did, but not because he slept with the wrong women and apparently slept with a cold chicken next to the bed (in case he got peckish).

By Bertie’s time, as with now, the behaviour of royalty didn’t matter much - not really.

Much has been made of Prince Harry’s nudie photos last week. Yet if royal antics count, why didn’t anyone squawk on the release of Prince Charles book, Harmony, in 2010?

Prince Harry’s behaviour suggests he’s rather normal. His father’s book release suggests that the next king is, well, odd. In a Guardian review, Prince Charles’s view was described as weird, wonky, bizarre and amateurish. In the book’s photos, he looked like an impeccably tailored Forrest Gump.

It goes to the closeted nature of British aristocracy that one of old Bertie’s alleged conquests was Winston Churchill’s mum. Another was Camilla Parker Bowles’s great grandmother, Alice Keppel. Both women were married at the time.

Prince Harry, by comparison, isn’t being accused of cuckolding or cheating on anyone. He isn’t cheating on anyone. The poor kid has no one to scandalise.

True, he might offer to do the dishes next time he dines with the folks. Yet the photos won’t jag broader perceptions of his nature.

Frankly, Prince Harry is letting the family down. In the pursuit of royal convention, he must get married. Fast.

Only then can he chase women with a clear conscience, in the knowledge that he’s honouring timeless customs upheld by his great, great, great-grandad.

Comments on this post will cose at 8pm AEST

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28 comments

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    • acotrel says:

      07:41am | 26/08/12

      Just as long as he stays away from me and mine ! Where do these inbred fools get off with their attitudes towards others ?  Diana should have been their last victim.

    • marley says:

      10:10am | 26/08/12

      Umm, I know a lot of young, single males of Harry’s age who have pretty much the same attitude to women and sex, and they don’t have a drop of royal blood in them.  As a matter of fact, I know a few of Bertie’s age with much the same mindset.  It’s got more to do with being wealthy, bored males than with being Windsors.

    • nihonin says:

      11:54am | 26/08/12

      Why don’t you tell us acotrel, you seem to know what qualifies as an inbred fool ‘with their attitudes towards others’, are you speaking from experience?

    • Mike says:

      08:55am | 26/08/12

      So, men.  I ask you all, if you were a single, red-blooded male at the same pool party, surrounded by such ladies…you’d say “oh no, can’t do that” ?

      People in glass houses ?  Me, I would unashamedly be enjoying it, like most men would.  What if it was a woman and there were all toned, tanned and tempting muscular men ?  They’d certainly have a good look and a flirt, at the very least.

      Seriously, all the other talk as well in the media, like “bringing the army into disrepute” - and if it was ANY other squaddie of most other ranks, it would be the stuff of legends and celebrated.  Same as now - if it was any “commoner” like Wazza and Bazza on their footy trip or “Frat Boys” in Vegas, it would be the same.

      The rank (sic) hypocrisy of it all is amazing.

    • Fiddler says:

      10:44am | 26/08/12

      I think you missed the sarcastic tone of this article. Just a little bit…

    • Inky says:

      11:12am | 26/08/12

      “I ask you all, if you were a single, red-blooded male at the same pool party, surrounded by such ladies…you’d say “oh no, can’t do that” ?”

      Ah, but Harry is a BLUEblooded male wink

    • Mike says:

      03:56pm | 26/08/12

      Fiddler, I think you missed the rest of the media hoo-hah outside of thepunch.com.au

    • Sancho says:

      09:21am | 26/08/12

      The history of rakish royals is interesting but irrelevant, since Harry is the son of James Hewitt and doesn’t have a drop of Charles’ blood.

      That said, the misadventures of a bastard son are the only interesting thing the royal family’s had going on since the Raj.

      Nice for the glossies.

    • TC says:

      12:44pm | 26/08/12

      I like conspiracy theories but Diana had not even met Hewitt when Harry was conceived, and Diana’s brother has red hair so thats where the genes come from.

    • dibatag says:

      09:32am | 26/08/12

      He’s not doing any thing i did’nt do at that age, get off his back and let him have his fun

    • sir ronald bradnam says:

      09:49am | 26/08/12

      Congrats to Harry much respect for behaving like most people would behave in this situation, few beers, hot babes good times.

    • Anjuli says:

      10:00am | 26/08/12

      You would think it doesn’t go on any where else ,Harry is doing what others do and alway have ,the problem is he has had a supposely royal upbringing with the help of tax payers money,not a smart move ,the security will be the ones to lose their jobs over this not Harry.

    • Glenn says:

      10:14am | 26/08/12

      Harry is a joke to be honest. These Royals are expected to keep their public life in check - it comes with deal. This guy thinks he can do what he likes but it just another nail in the coffin for these Royal oxygen thieving layabouts.

    • Alicia says:

      05:07pm | 26/08/12

      He wasn’t even IN public when he was getting naked with those women. He should be able to do whatever he likes in his private suite and it shouldn’t be our business.

    • rod sexton says:

      10:45am | 26/08/12

      Good luck to him; he’s just looking after the girls and giving ‘em what they want.

    • No Simone in tow says:

      10:54am | 26/08/12

      O well, the Shane Warne of princes romps it up again.

    • Tim says:

      11:08am | 26/08/12

      If I had a body like that and was surrounded by hot women, I don’t think my kit would be staying on for long if I had any say in the matter either!

      Go get ‘em, Harry.  Live the life for the rest of us, son!

    • Traxster says:

      11:24am | 26/08/12

      I RECKON…......
      I reckon….........
      that if 99.9% of the male population on earth thought that they could get clear away with having a quickie on the side,( or anywhere else, for that matter ) they would do it .
      That’s what I reckon !!
      and it doesn’t only go for a quickie it goes for any dodgy thing you can name.
      We’re only human, after all…..........aren’t we ?

    • Inky says:

      12:13pm | 26/08/12

      Well, then call me Mr 0.01%

      Although it depends on your definition of “get awat with”. If you’re getting away with it because you’ve got explicit permission, you’re not so much getting away with anything. But I would never betray trust in me, even if I was positive I wouldn’t be caught. And I’m pretty sure it’s at least a little more than 0.01% of men who’re with me on that.

    • chuck says:

      11:26am | 26/08/12

      Harry aka Hugh ha, ha. So what was the role of the 40 stone black guy acting as his protector in all of this?

    • Anjuli says:

      12:33pm | 26/08/12

      @ Chuck maybe he was the one who took the photos.

    • Glenn9 says:

      12:36pm | 26/08/12

      Whoever took those photos and posted them to the general public should be shot. They have broken the cardinal rule - what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

      Nothing’s sacred anymore.

    • thatmosis says:

      01:23pm | 26/08/12

      I disagree as he is being held up as the third in line to the throne and therefore should act the part whether he likes it or not. Add to that that is was probably done using the public purse and it makes it worse.
        Personally I think the Monarchy should be disbanded completely as they are only a blight on the landscapes and a drain on the publi8c purse.

    • Harry the Horse? says:

      01:39pm | 26/08/12

      Whats the name of the hot blonde in the just right bikini? I’m sure she will be sought after…

    • Tubesteak says:

      03:16pm | 26/08/12

      The only good thing feminism did for society was release men from the shackles of the social expectation of buying the cow when they were young

      Harry should wait until he’s 50 or so before settling down and making a few legitimate heirs. There’ll be no shortage of hot young women wanting to be a princess. Never is.

    • Jacko says:

      04:11pm | 26/08/12

      I don’t know why people are giving the guy such a hard time - if I had the chance to live it up in Vegas with plenty of booze and babes, I would be in like Flynn, as I suspect would most young single red-blooded males. Good on ya Harry live your life to the fullest mate

    • Adrian says:

      05:09pm | 26/08/12

      @Tubestreak,

      The only good thing feminism did for society was release men from the shackles of the social expectation of buying the cow when they were young

      Yeah. Forget about women’s suffrage, the right for women to own property, the right for women to initiate divorce, “no fault” divorce, women’s right to enter University, greater reproductive autonomy and broader employment for women at more equitable wages. The only way to place a value on feminism is to measure how it benefits teh menz

      Sheesh.

    • nihonin says:

      06:06pm | 26/08/12

      Awww gawd, thanks for all the laughs I’ve had reading the faux indignation of the ‘Republicans’.

 

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