If you see one crappy film this winter, make sure it’s…
ALP Headquarters, Canberra, Sunday 7pm
JULIA: Well, what an incredible victory. Couldn’t have gone better if we’d tried.
VOICE AT THE BACK: Shame you didn’t try in 2010.
JULIA: Is that you Kevin?
KEVIN: Er, no. It was Lindsay.
JULIA: That excuse doesn’t work now Kevin. Lindsay’s not in caucus anymore.
VOICE AT THE BACK: Yeah, but Adam Bandt is.
JULIA: Kevin, that’s enough!
KEVIN: That was Arbib!
MARK: Bollocks, it was Shorten. That bloke couldn’t get a seat if he was a pregnant chick on a bus.
BILL: Stop it Mark! Richo says we’re not supposed to fight anymore.
JULIA: Shut up both of you. Now we’ve had an important day today and after careful consideration all the indications point to a constructive and positive engagement outlining the structural adjustment to a market-based carbon pricing mechanism to decouple economic growth from emissions and activate international linking.
WAYNE: Come again?
JULIA: It means we got our message across.
WAYNE: Oh sorry. I didn’t know what that word meant.
JULIA: Which one?
GREG: I wonder if it’s too late to work for James Hardie…
Greens Headquarters, Canberra, Sunday 7pm
BOB: Well, what an incredible victory. Couldn’t have gone better if we’d tried.
ADAM: Thanks Bob. I’d like to thank the people of Melbourne for voting for me, my parents for having me and last but not least myself for being me.
BOB: Er, Adam you were supposed to thank the people of Australia.
ADAM: F*** them. They voted for Abbott.
BOB: Shhh! What did we say about not mentioning that?
VOICE FROM THE BACK: Christine want beans.
BOB: Oh God, Milne’s off her medication again.
CHRISTINE: Tree good make happy cabbage.
BOB: Er, has anyone seen the Senator’s Correktall?
CHRISTINE: Eat beans give rainbow children.
BOB: Jesus. And it’s always just before she goes on Q & A. Where’s Senator Rhiannon?
LEE: That’s Comrade Rhiannon thank you.
BOB: Does your boss have any room left in the salt mines?
LEE: They’re not salt mines, they’re re-education camps.
CHRISTINE: Me like beans.
BOB: That’s it. Lee, call Moscow and ask if there’s a spot free. And remember, his title is “Mr President” not “Uncle Stalin”.
ADAM: I’m the Bandtman.
BOB: Actually, ask him about two spots.
Coalition Headquarters, Canberra, Sunday 7pm
TONY: Well, what an incredible victory. Couldn’t have gone better if we’d tried…
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