I love Karl Stefanovic more than he loves his wife’s arse
I have something of a man-crush on Karl Stefanovic. Like my addiction to surfing animal-attack videos on YouTube, I’ve taken to stalking the Gold Logie winner’s career with morbid fascination.
The Today Show host is an anomaly in the news world. You don’t know how he survives, let alone thrives, but he does.
What other Australian television personality, let alone journalist, can drunkenly ogle his co-host on breakfast primetime, then go on to win a Gold Logie two years later? And then, when he wins that Logie, include his wife’s arse in the acceptance speech?
For those who thought he went too far - even for Karl - he showed them up by complimenting the size of co-host Richard Wilkins’ cock a few months later. I’m rubbing my hands in anticipation for Stefanovic’s next Logies appearance, for when he simply arrives on stage without pants.
Over the past year, television viewers have seen more and more of the journalist from Rockhampton, covering the Queensland floods as well as international disasters like the New Zealand earthquake and the Japanese tsunami.
Yet his accension has been coupled with an intensifying series of gaffes and one-liners that could stack up more YouTube views than talking babies and dogs ruffing “ry ruv roo” combined.
Well, maybe not the dogs…
He is the only known human being that can juggle a career of serious current affairs with being kicked in the nuts by a pug dog on live television.
Karl’s cult status has risen more or less in tandem with his mainstream accolades. But how much of this is the real Karl Stefanovic?
During his Gold Logie speech, the current affairs cowboy paid homage to veteran newsman Laurie Oakes as the man that drew him to journalism.
“He’s the reason why I’m in this business and why I want to be in this business as a journalist for the rest of my life,” he said.
But while Oakes was likening his trade to a drug addiction as he was being inducted into the Hall of Fame, he wasn’t readying his throat to slam shots of Grey Goose with Lachlan Murdoch after the ceremony.
Could it be that after years of trailing Sunrise, the Today Show’s producers have begun crafting a hybrid personification of the most comic elements of Kent Brockman and Ron Burgundy in a bid to lift ratings?
Add a dash of Owen Wilson in The Wedding Crashers, and the most cringe-worthy parts of Tom Cruise?
People watch Karl for the same reason they watch WipeOut: to see idiots get smacked in the groin.
Picture this breakfast show stunt gone wrong: a live cross to a professional angler fishing out a “lake monster” in a Gold Coast inlet. He casts out the line and catches…a poor, flapping, injured duck.
Out of shot, the host panics. “Stop now, stop now, stop now,” he squeals. Then the camera lands on glum-looking Karl.
“Well that didn’t end well, did it?” Then a pause. “Peking Duck, anyone?” he lets slip with tragic brilliance. Karl stamps his name on yet another viral hit.
Was it another stage-managed success of the ‘Karl Show’ or was it just the Queenslander in him?
And while I’m praying he doesn’t descend a slippery slope like controversy king Kyle Sandilands, for the meantime he’s got me hooked like a (wait for it) lame duck.
What’s more, Stefanovic gives hope to reporters who aren’t quite Clark Kent, might never be Woodward or Bernstein, and who dont have the hair to be Mike Munro.
When I’m on stage collecting my Logie in ten years’ time I know who I’ll be thanking.
Channel Nine’s Karl 2.0 has become a cult figure to a demographic alien to the entirety of Channel Nine’s viewer base.
In vocal demonstration of this duality, Stefanovic set out to break the world record for slapping another person in the face with pizza slices.
“I just want to say something first. This man in front of me is a Walkley Award-winning journalist,” Stefanovic said of the man facing off with him, 2GB radio presenter Ben Fordham.
“I would just like to remind you you’re a former foreign correspondent and Gold Logie winner,” Fordham replied.
“He’s worried about his credibility at this point,” co-host Lisa Wilkinson told viewers, as they watched the replay.
“No I’m not,” Stefanovic said. “It went many years ago.”
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