Flatulence will get you nowhere
Clover Moo here, reporting once again from the shady corner of the paddock.
I know what you’re thinking in that oversized human brain of yours. Wait a minute, I sound like that godawful ANZ ad.
Anyway, I’m guessing you’re sick of the carbon tax, right? Well, me too. If I read one more word about it in the old newsprint down in the chook shed, I swear I’ll start squirting Yakult out my udders.
So here’s my beef. No sooner do I tune out to all this carbon tax bulldust, then what do I hear? Those nutters from PETA are trying to tax cow farts. Cow farts! It’s enough to make you sick to your four stomachs.
Who are these PETA cowboys anyway? And how do they think this will save the planet?
If you ask me, any planet where a cow can’t indulge its natural tendency towards extreme flatulence ain’t worth saving.
Cows fart. Cows poo. Then we eat the beautifully fertilised grass underneath it. Thus is the McDonalds triple cheeseburger born, and society enriched.
Let me get to the meat of this issue. The warmists and the do-gooders want everyone in the world to turn vegan. You realise what that means for me and my herd, don’t you?
It means we’ll be out of a job! Just like all those miners and steel manufacturers who’ll be tossed aside when the carbon tax comes in, we’ll be soggy hay on the muddy barn floor of society.
Oh, but I said I wouldn’t talk about the carbon tax, didn’t I.
I’m sorry, but the comparisons are irresistible. We cows shouldn’t be punished for something which isn’t even proven. There are enough myths in the world!
It’s like that myth about “spare ribs”. See, we don’t actually have these magical spare ribs that you can just kind of pluck out at will. You want our ribs, you’ve got to take the rest of us too.
It’s the same with this farting thing. You want to stop cow farts, you’re going to have to get rid of us cows too.
The steaks really are much too high to entertain these PETA lunatics for another second.
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