Eight telltale signs that football season is here…
Overnight, we had two significant reminders that we are now in that special time of year called football season.
Firstly, Ben Cousins was busted with a stash of meth. Meanwhile in the NRL, a journalist asked a player some tough questions, which the player answered honestly, and the exchange was labelled “an ambush”!
Actually, it’s kind of comforting. Life is so fast-paced these days with all these newfangled iThingos and tweetiewebs, it’s soul-nourishing to discover once again the telltale signs of the annual sporting wheel clanking around. Like these things…
Cousie gets scuzzy
He’s no doubt pretty scuzzy most days, but Ben Cousins always seems to stoop lowest just when footy is back. His old club Richmond must be thrilled at his distracting antics just 24 hours from their season kickoff.
It wouldn’t be football season without one. And Jason Akermanis gave us one of his finest sprays just last week when he described Jim Stynes as “nasty”. Was it not the English Romantic poet John Keats who spoke of autumn as a “season of mists and mellow fruitfulness and dickheads with big mouths”?
The Monday news has footage of men in Speedos going swimming
Who are these men? Why are they swimming? Why is this news? Nobody knows.
Boofheads do handbags at 10 paces
Last night’s spat between Matthew Johns and Robbie Farah created a Twitter storm which trended worldwide. What happened was, Johns asked Farah four or five tough questions, which Farah answered with attitude and without cliché. In other words, the exchange wasn’t your standard waste-of-time cliché regurgitation competition. And this was interpreted as war!
Boofheads say “youse” a lot
Speaking of Matthew Johns and friends, they must get paid more for putting an “s” on the end of every word. Maybes I’s wills trys its ands sees ifs its getses mes mores moneys.
Turf wars erupt
Why can we design stadiums that look like the Starship Enterprise but we’ve forgotten how to grow grass? Around this time of year, a stadium somewhere will always be too hard, too soft, too yellow, too green, too spongey, too sandy or too something. It’s happenning right now at Parramatta Stadium. Mind you, every form of chaos is happening at Parramatta. Speaking of which…
A club will be in turmoil
Doesn’t take long. Never takes long. First up this year is the Gold Coast Titans, who really ought to be behaving like the gold Coast Tight Arses given they’re $35 million in debt. Instead, they’re looking to spend millions on new talent. Seriously, how Gold Coast are the people who run this joint? There wouldn’t be a black shoe among ‘em…
You argue with your spouse over Friday night telly
We’re a one TV house, which means my wife and I always argue over Friday night Footy vs those English shows where the villagers are always murdering each other. She usually wins, which means I head to the pub. My question is: are there any villagers left in England who aren’t dead yet?
Arguments rage over video technology
The AFL will this year use the video review for goal line decisions. This is a result of an argument that would have started like this: “The bloody officials are useless. If we’ve got the technology we might as well use it!”
What usually happens next, unless the sport is soccer, is that the technology gets implemented. Then what happens is, a video official gets an obvious decision wrong. And then people say: “Bloody hell! How did they stuff that up? What’s wrong with good old fashioned human officials anyway?”
Aaah, sport. So wonderfully predictable, so wonderfully cyclical. What are the signs of the season that tell you football is back? Keen to hear your thoughts. And feel free to weigh in on Ben Cousins and/or or last night’s NRL spat.
Also, don’t forget The Punch’s AFL tipping comp at supertipping.heraldsun.com.au. Comp code 278034. The winner gets to write a Punch yarn on any topic, subject to editing.
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