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Cinderella syndrome is way out of hand

Angela Mollard

by Angela Mollard

25 Sep 05:50am

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Filed under: Children, Clothes, School, School Formals, School Leavers

78 comments

Picture a psychologist’s office. Inside, there’s a 16-year-old girl. She’s sobbing. No, her parents haven’t divorced and her BF hasn’t unfriended her. She’s crying about the dress she wants to wear to her school formal. Her parents won’t buy it. Why? Because it costs $3000.

Why blow three grand on a dress when some zitty kid is just going to spew on it at 3 am

True story. It was relayed to me by one of Australia’s finest psychologists and, no, he didn’t counsel with, “Come on, Princess. Get a grip,” which would have been my response.

Sure, it’s more than 20 years since I went to my school formal in an approximation of Cyndi Lauper’s finest get-up (I may or may not have worn rags in my hair). And, yes, I appreciate that events have become a little more sophisticated than my big night, the highlight of which was sneaking out to drink wine pinched from the kitchen by a roadie from the band – ironically called The Snatch.

In fact, I’m all for coming-of-age celebrations. What could be more special than one last sweet summer night with your classmates before you all head off into the world? But when did formals go from a bit of a pash and a piss-up to a parade of materialism and one-upmanship?

The school formal industry in Australia is worth millions. Girls spend an average of $1330 on their dresses, fake tans, hair, make-up, manicures and transport. Boys, a bit less.

Competition for dresses is rife. Girls are advised to download the iFrockUp app or set up a Facebook page so they can post their chosen dress and warn friends off buying the same design. Writer and researcher Nina Funnell tells of how, at her Year 10 formal, two girls had a vicious fight after buying identical dresses.

“The whole circle of friends began to weigh in on the feud, vigorously debating who had prior claim on the dress; was it the girl who saw it first, who purchased it first, who looked best in it or the one who had lost the most weight, thus demonstrating the most ‘commitment’ to the dress?”

How you get to the ball is equally important. Forget being dropped off in Dad’s Corolla. These days, it’s all limos, buses and, for the seriously cashed-up, a stretch Hummer, complete with DJ and disco ball. For a real red-carpet feel, you can even hire your own paparazzi to scream out your name out front.

Admittedly, kids these days study damn hard and deserve a reward. But with one formal website suggesting ways you can ‘outdo everyone else’ and ‘get everyone talking’, surely it’s becoming more about competition than camaraderie; more ‘my 15 minutes of fame’ than ‘our fab night of fun’.

And what of the kids who can’t afford any of this? Our babysitter tells me she hated her formal at a top girls’ school. “I spent weeks worrying who I could take, hundreds on a dress and it was on a cruise, so I couldn’t even leave when I wanted.”

Fortunately, there are some kids keeping it real. My sister-in-law teaches teens who, each year, opt for op-shop frocks, a parent-supplied supper and, instead, donate money to charity. This year, they supported victims of the Christchurch earthquake – even getting sponsorship to fly the head girl and boy from a quake-hit school to the formal.

On the night, all the focus was on three friends who’d chosen the same $50 Supré dress and accessorised within an inch of their lives. According to my sis, they were the belles of the ball.

Catch Angela Mollard on Weekend Today, Sundays at 7am on the Nine Network.
Email angelamollard@sundaymagazine.com.au. Follow her at www.twitter.com/angelamollard.

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78 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Carz says:

      07:48am | 25/09/11

      Year six formals are the start of the decline, with parents of tween girls forking out hundreds. I refuse to be a part of it and have made it clear that a sausage sizzle and disco is more than sufficient for the end of primary school. With both of my kids finishing their primary schooling over the next year and a bit there was no way I would willingly fork out hundreds of dollars to celebrate a standard progression through their schooling.

      Reply

    • Fiona says:

      05:20pm | 25/09/11

      One of my girls will be finishing primary school next year too. They have a night of speeches, food and dance. I will at least make sure she’s in nice dress. We did for our primary graduation back in the 70s.

    • Sarah says:

      08:28am | 25/09/11

      The princesses who obsess about formal image are generally the daughters of unemployed “ladies who lunch” whose husbands bring in $$. Their mothers spend their bored days obsessing about their own image through lack of anything interesting to do, and the daughters see this role modelling as normal. Any parent who indulges their daughter’s desire for $1500 to be spent on 1 night is a fool. Any good parent will have had their daughter in a casual job since she was 15 and then the girl can spend whatever she likes of her own money - and its likely that those who’ve earned their own money will be more conservative with it, as opposed to those whose leisure time with mum consists of shopping for more clothes they dont really need.

      Reply

    • BJ says:

      02:37pm | 25/09/11

      All true…and the daughters who obsess over expensive dresses tend to be those whose greatest ambition is to marry a rich guy. They say that the acorn never falls far from the tree.

    • Flutz says:

      09:07pm | 25/09/11

      “Any good parent will have had their daughter in a casual job since she was 15”

      That’s quite a sweeping statement.

      I didn’t have a casual job when I was at school because I struggled with schoolwork and needed to work hard on my studies - a casual job would have cut in to my study time.  As it stands I have gone on to have a very successful career, whereas a couple of my classmates who did have casual jobs at school are still working in those same casual jobs 20 years later.  I’m not saying either way is right or wrong - my siblings all found schoolwork easier than me and did have casual jobs, they too have all gone on to successful careers - but not working so I could study was right for me. And recognising this I’d say makes my parents pretty good.

      Oh and FTR - my parents were both school teachers so not umemployed obsessing over their image, or raking in the $$.  My mum made my formal dress, which was actually my bridesmaid’s dress for my sister’s wedding earlier in the same year - I didn’t see the point in having 2 dresses to be worn once, so I doubled up.

    • acotrel says:

      08:51am | 25/09/11

      Tell me that this topic isn’t an extension of the one about Dick Smith and philanthropy !  Whose kids get $3000 dresses ? How many kids could you feed for a month in Somalia with that sort of money ?

      Reply

    • Angry God of Townsville says:

      12:45pm | 25/09/11

      If the dress is made from imported materials, then that nations industries are being supported and they can improve their nation by utilising the proven tools of capitalism. The best way to raise a nation out of poverty is industry. The use of charity to support a nation does not create the solutions required to bring any country out of the stone ages.

      Whilst I think Formals are overblown wastes. I see many other areas such as the NBN that also fit into your claims that. If you think that the money can be spent better by families, you must agree that the money the government is throwing on this project could also be used in a more gainful manner.

      Is it because you are jealous of rich and successful families being able to afford this.

    • Max, of Rocky says:

      01:25pm | 25/09/11

      Amen

      These little so and so’s need a bit of life experience the hard way.

      Their parents need counsel before their offspring, they brought it on, they need to fix it with some “tough love”.

    • acotrel says:

      02:39pm | 25/09/11

      @Angry God
      Perhaps the $3000 could be used to finance the Grimeen Bank.  And we could give the borrowers a good belting ?  Would you be happier with that ?

    • Amityville says:

      03:30pm | 25/09/11

      @ Angry God Of Townsville…National politics etc doesn’t even relate to this topic.. and who would be jealous of an up-herself “me me” girlie having a tantrum in order to get what she wanted anyhow..?

      Most teenagers like this need a decent reality check… get a job, princess and work for it if you want this kind of cash to spend on a lousy dress for your ‘me-me’ moment…

    • Chris L says:

      09:49pm | 25/09/11

      @Angry God Of Townsville - are you seriously comparing a wear-once dress to the NBN? In what way does looking good for one night compare with national infrastructure?

    • Fiona says:

      09:13am | 25/09/11

      My girl borrowed one of my formal dresses, we got cheap jewellery, did her makeup and paid to get her hair and shoes. Her date borrowed a sports car for the event.
      She had a ball (hahaha) and got a lot of attention because her dress was a bit unusual.
      Cost for the night less than $100. It can be done.

      Reply

    • Aaron says:

      10:50am | 26/09/11

      Good on ya’ for teaching her to be frugal smile I think that frugality is a quality that has been lost. People see “frugal” as “cheap” and it’s not. Being frugal is buying Home Brand sugar, being cheap is buying Home Brand Chocolate (Or LA Ice)

    • stephen says:

      09:45am | 25/09/11

      In the late 60’s it wasn’t the dress or the suit you were going to wear, but the songs you were going to sing.
      The year 10 formal, (I left after that, and been still-born ever since) was an opportunity to show off, musical-wise, and you had a choice of Scarborough Fair, or Aquarius, and the bad kids did Jesus Christ Superstar and wore hotpants - girls did too -  and waved their arms in the air.
      All this was done on the principle’s spiral staircase and our mums and dads looked up and with punch and potato-chips in hand wondering why Paul McCartney wasn’t in all this.
      Our school was a bit posh, and I understand the school down the road is still celebrating, (it’s called PE) but I reckon no matter what you do for your last day in the ‘factory’, you gotta leave the worst teacher a little ‘gift’.
      Think about it.

      Reply

    • Lexi says:

      02:27pm | 25/09/11

      Geez, ever been a high school teacher? Toughest gig on the planet.  Maybe you’ll be lucky enough for someone to show up to your workplace (or, seeing as you graduated in the 60s, probably your retirement home) and leave you a little “gift”.

    • stephen says:

      07:18pm | 25/09/11

      ‘Still born’ means I got only half a conscience, even for teachers.
      And by the way, if you don’t like your job, why don’t you do something about it ?
      I’m sure the kids would love you for it.

      And in the sixties the prefects - Henry Jess and Rasmussen snr - would sit around on chairs at lunch outside the science lab in a circle argueing about Vietnam, PM Gorton and and Dr. Leary. The teachers joined them.
      Ever done that ?

    • Dave says:

      10:33pm | 25/09/11

      @ Lexi - “Toughest gig on the planet”? Yeah, sure. Those 11 weeks of annual leave are a killer…

    • the future is blight says:

      10:00am | 25/09/11

      Our media broadcasts disgustingly narcissistic programs that teach kids to be critical of each others imperfections. Modern technology prevents kids to escape the social group for one minute and gain any perspective. They’re always in “performance” mode. They live their entire childhoods like they’re walking into an interview. Is it any wonder they behave like they do?

      And what can parents do? You can’t isolate your kids from the rest of the social group, you can’t realistically stop them from watching crappy television and being on Facebook, you can’t stop them from having a phone and texting all day. You can counsel until your face is blue and it won’t have the slightest impact in the face of peer pressure and sophisticated marketing.

      Reply

    • Bev says:

      11:42am | 25/09/11

      Just look for example at the Brownlow.  It’s supposed to be about awarding a football player a medal for being the best in season but it has been totally usurped by the the red carpet parade of WAGS.  Who won the medal takes second place to the hype and photos of the “ladies” who compete to show off the most expensive dress which shows as much flesh as possible.

    • xar says:

      01:39pm | 25/09/11

      actually parents do opt out of un-restricted access to TV, social networking, mobile phone use and internet ect. You’ll find plenty of people are aware of the issues caused by these things and while it would be harder to do in a setting where it isn’t the norm, there ARE alternatives out there where like minded parents, teachers and schools do things differently. If pressure to do the norm is hard to subvert, go somewhere where the norm is more in line with your beliefs. It is essential to talk to kids about the media they are exposed to and the methods of marketing so they can make intelligent choices as adults.

    • Boy from NYC says:

      10:22am | 25/09/11

      Not sure if you grew up in whoop whoop or somewhere back of Burke with a line like
      “I appreciate that events have become a little more sophisticated than my big night,”

      My mate and I shared a stretch limo and took our girls to see Ella Fitzgerald at the rainbow room on the 65th floor of the GE building in Rockefeller Centre.
      The year? 1968.

      Reply

    • Sam says:

      03:14pm | 26/09/11

      the American prom has always been a little different in scale and intensity to an Australian formal…

    • Nick says:

      10:36am | 25/09/11

      the answer is feminism. The blight of feminism has led these girls to be raised with huge entitlement complexes; told they are all special unique princesses that can do no wrong and deserve the best the world can offer. Most teenage girls have absolutely no grip on reality, on the financial state of their family or how much they drain it, and as such, just throw magnificent tantrums whenever they don’t get what they want.

      How do I know?

      I spent Thursday night surrounded by them at my graduation, and my sister is of exactly the same calibre.

      Reply

    • marley says:

      11:42am | 25/09/11

      The article says the boys’ costs are almost as high as the girls’ costs.  Should we blame male chauvinism?  Or just the fact that somewhere along the line society as a whole has gone off the rails.

    • Mayday says:

      12:39pm | 25/09/11

      Nick sorry but your answer is WRONG.

      The girls you describe are far from feminists. 
      True feminists do not dress to please others or throw tantrums to get their own way.
      They do have an interest in world affairs and understand financial restraint.
      They are independent thinkers and have strong role models, both male and female.
      Entitlement often means dependence and true feminists depend on themselves.

      Perhaps you need to find a new crowd and hopefully your sister will grow up one day and become a woman…...the females you describe are silly, have not grown up and probably never will.

    • Condor says:

      02:13pm | 25/09/11

      Nick that is almost what I was going to say.

      We have generations of women brought up to believe they are special and deserve everything they want. Even the mediocre girls think they are special.

      Now we have a consumerist monster that I see ebing a part of women even in their 30s. It is digusting and one of the many reasons I don’t bother with relationships anymore. I just use them for fun.

      marley
      It said the boys spend less and provided no evidence as to how much. Probably the boys are only doing it to impress the girls who all think they’re fabulous to have a chance of scoring with one of them.

      Mayday
      You’re right, these aren’t feminists. They are the product of feminism that taught women to believe they are special and powerful and deserved everything.

    • BJ says:

      02:45pm | 25/09/11

      The problem is the self-esteem movement. They have influenced modern feminism, but are-not the same. Some feminists are highly principled and anything but superficial. Others are self-obsessed, over-entitled tossers, whose “principles” are thinly disguised self-interest.

    • Angela Mollard says:

      03:50pm | 25/09/11

      Since a couple of people have wondered, the average amount boys spend on their formal is $840.

    • Nick says:

      04:51pm | 25/09/11

      marley, boys’ costs almost certainly are nowhere near women’s. I’ve been to two formals in my life. One of them i borrowed my dad’s dinner suit, and for the other i got a well-fitted black lounge suit that is reuseable in numerous situations, even on a daily or weekly basis. I spend $700 on a suit and can use it for work, job interviews, formals, going out, and occasionally weddings, funerals, and dinners. Girls dresses cost much more than my suit, and they only wear them once.

    • Fiona says:

      05:29pm | 25/09/11

      Well nick, if you just graduated, then your life experience is very, very limited and like most teenagers you will see life in a very black and white manner. Come back in 10 years and share your wisdom, when you’re brain has finally matured properly.

    • Mike says:

      10:26pm | 25/09/11

      Nick, to counter Fiona - I am a 35yo, well travelled wordly male…and I concur with you completely mate ! smile

      This is why we have shows like ‘Worlds Strictest Parents’, and there are always one of each on there.  I don’t see many of these kids from latchkey kid or abusive backgrounds…thank God I never had a formal because it would have just degenerated into a ‘who’s parents can spend the most’ and the spoiled kids doing just that.

      I saw the same type of behaviour all the way through university, except it changed from ‘who’s wearing which dress’ to ‘how much you can drink’ to ‘who has a trendy car’, and if you weren’t in the cool gang, you may as well not be there.

    • Shane says:

      01:27pm | 26/09/11

      @Nick - grow up and stop generalising. Also, you could try learning what feminism is. You don’t actually have to think too hard. Just wikipedia it.
      @ Mike - to counter you, to be 35 years old and agree with an immature teen like Nick (no doubt he sees his sister as the “favourite” or some other adolecent tanty) is nothing worth posting a comment about.

    • Mike says:

      05:53pm | 26/09/11

      Well Shane, would have been nice for you to elaborate a bit further on what else in my post you disagreed with…if I had just blanket agreed with him with a post like “100% agree mate”, maybe so, but you seem to have missed the rest of my justification. 

      I don’t see you disagreeing with Condor etc.

    • TomZ says:

      10:37am | 25/09/11

      The latest iPod, the most expensive dress, a plasma TV in every child’s room, designer joggers.

      Think about it Mum and Dad. You are creating a sense of “entitlement” and turning your once beautiful kid into a brat.

      Reply

    • nojoh@home says:

      10:52am | 25/09/11

      Don’t you just love these precious little darlings.
      Spoiled rotten by their parents.

      You have to feel sorry for their future partners.

      The Supre girls are just awesome, would love to meet them.

      Reply

    • thatmosis says:

      11:59am | 25/09/11

      the future is blight says: And what can parents do? You can’t isolate your kids from the rest of the social group, you can’t realistically stop them from watching crappy television and being on Facebook, you can’t stop them from having a phone and texting all day.
      Parents can do several things and the first should be to instill in their children a sense of responsibility. As for mobile phones, sure let the kids have one but only if they pay their own bills, its as simple as that. Like it or lump it its up to the parents to set the boundries and stick to them. Children expect too much these days and dont have any idea of the cost of keeping them in the lifestyle they desire. If you want something work for it or go without.

      Reply

    • TomZ says:

      11:50pm | 25/09/11

      “... what can parents do?” Teach them a new word. It is called “No”.

    • Sickemrex says:

      01:01pm | 25/09/11

      What can a parent do?  Hopefully, set a sensible and responsible example.  When my girl is interested in looking at our wedding photos, I’ll be telling her about my gorgeous borrowed dress and how we fed and wined 75 friends on a farm for 5 grand and had the best party ever.  Surely some of my tight-arsedness will rub off.

      Reply

    • freewoman says:

      01:30pm | 25/09/11

      It’s not really the girls’ fault. They are being raised in a patriarchal, heterosexist society that demonstrates to them their worth rests in being man-pleasers and part of that is making sure they look the way men want them to look. They’re just doing what they’ve been taught, and are just doing what they need to do to survive in a society that has not yet seen the liberation of women who remain the oppressed sexual class.

      Reply

    • Tim says:

      02:03pm | 25/09/11

      Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

    • Erick says:

      02:10pm | 25/09/11

      Oh gawd. I wish that comment was a joke ... but it isn’t.

    • marley says:

      02:38pm | 25/09/11

      Oh for god’s sake.  I can’t decide whether you’re a troll or really believe that nonsense.  Like the TV ad used to say, “you’ve come a long way, baby” and if you really are a woman who feels her only role in life is to be a “man pleaser” rather than a nuclear physicist or an offshore oil driller, then that’s on you and you alone.  Society these days gives you options.  It is up to you to choose wisely.  No one forces teenagers to wear $3000 grad dresses, or insist on limos and schoolies cruises.  These are options.  Bad ones.  Simple as that.

    • BJ says:

      02:48pm | 25/09/11

      You really mean that our society tells young women that they can get whatever they want, with little effort, as long as they are hot. I cannot see how this disadvantages women.

    • Max, of Rocky says:

      02:56pm | 25/09/11

      @ freewoman

      Best parody for a while,  “nudge nudge wink wink say no more”

      wink

    • Bev says:

      03:39pm | 25/09/11

      @marley On this we agree.  We don’t see eye to eye on many things but the problem is this stuff is still being peddled about in some universities.  I don’t know what its like in Australia but she has got her information (propoganda?) from somewhere. I do know it’s a major problem on some US campuses where men are dropping out because of feminist harassment and aggressive affirmative action programs.  There it seems this sort of stuff is main stream.

    • freewoman says:

      04:38pm | 25/09/11

      Oh dear Bev - there is nothing “mainstream” about what I said. It’s actually classic radical feminist separatist interpretation, and it’s been around since at least the 1960s. Radical feminism is not “mainstream” on any university campus here or in the US - mainstream anything is part of the problem.

      Marley’s comments about “choices” and “options” are classic liberal interpretations - based on the belief that everyone is “free” - I wonder, if a woman wore no make up, pants, flat shoes and boring hair to work, how far she’d get professionally? About as far as a man would get if he turned up every day in a dress - neither sex is all that free to choose their roles in life - at least, they won’t be until both are liberated. I choose to focus my energies on women but would probably support men who wanted a true men’s liberation movement. Until those things occur, the “choices” you make are pretty restricted….(women’s liberationists in the ‘70s didn’t hold ‘consciousness raising’ classes for nothing - women had to be woken up from their indoctrination - they didn’t even realise how limited their ‘choices’ had been).

    • LJ Dots says:

      06:31pm | 25/09/11

      @freewoman

      Wearing “boring hair to work” is apparently out? Just to be sure my superficial judgement of women is accurate and up to date, what exactly is ‘boring hair’?

      You know, I would be delighted to hear that I’ve been trolled on this one.

    • marley says:

      07:13am | 26/09/11

      @Freewomen - how far would a woman get if she chose to wear pants, flat shoes and boring hair?  Well, a friend of mine got to be the equivalent of a First Assistant Secretary in a major government department in Canada (that’s one below the top level of the civil service).  And I’ve got another who’s a well-paid mechanical engineer - she’s not exactly wearing stilettos and sheath skirts to the factory.  Why are you of all people stereotyping how woman should dress and look?  Frrankly, I think you should change your handle to “trapped in the past” woman.

    • James1 says:

      12:57pm | 26/09/11

      “I wonder, if a woman wore no make up, pants, flat shoes and boring hair to work, how far she’d get professionally?”

      My wife is eighteen months out of university, dresses like that for work, and has just been made the manager of a team of 38 nurses and 57 carers (the latter mostly men) at a large aged care facility, by a male CEO.  Her competence counts for far more than her hair or footwear.

      Also, have you seen any senior female academics?

    • B says:

      11:01pm | 26/09/11

      Yawn!!!  The old ‘Women is a victim’ line.  So old

    • Jolanda says:

      02:07pm | 25/09/11

      My daughters Year 10 formal dress cost $80.00 and we did her hair and make up.  We have already organised her dress for her Year 12 formal next year.  She is in a Catholic school and the girls have to wear a long white dress, I have borrowed it from my niece and it will cost me $80.00 to get dry cleaned.  Perfect!.  Sure a group of them all pitch in and get a Hummer but it isn’t that expensive costing about $70.00 each and it takes them there and brings them back.    So for under $200.00 we are set and trust me my girl looks like a million dollars and nobody would ever know how much was spent - well at least they didn’t until now…...

      Reply

    • St. Michael says:

      04:51pm | 26/09/11

      “We have already organised her dress for her Year 12 formal next year.  She is in a Catholic school and the girls have to wear a long white dress…”

      They’re setting your daughter up, it’s their induction into the nunnery! wink

    • Jolanda says:

      07:01pm | 26/09/11

      Ha Ha Michael no way they will get my daughter into the nunnery she just isn’t that way inclined.  The reason we are at a Catholic School is because the public school system failed us so badly, we didn’t’ start off in the Catholic School system but in saying that my children have been very happy there.  We are not really that religious but in saying that the school hasn’t really pushed the religion in any way that has made my daughter (and/or my sons) feel uncomfortable.  They learn about a lot of religions and you don’t have to pick religion to go towards your ATAR for your HSC which is good.

      I love how the girls look in the long white dresses.  So beautiful.

    • GirlWonder says:

      02:22pm | 25/09/11

      I went to a very upmarket private girls’ school in the early 1990s.  I don’t remember anyone discussing cost of their dresses, or where they were getting them from.  My nan made my dress, copying a more expensive one (but still not that expensive).  I’m sure some girls had very expensive dresses, but I certainly didn’t feel like the odd one out.  One friend op-shopped for her dress, and was happy to say so.  Not sure if times have changed, or if a small, very visible sample of kids are making the news based on their over-indulgence.  Where did you get the stats on the $1330 average spend?

      Reply

    • Paul M says:

      03:32pm | 25/09/11

      Everything I read and see reassures me that not being a parent was the right life choice.

      Reply

    • richard.perin@gmail.com says:

      04:08pm | 25/09/11

      It isnt always easy, and it isnt always fun, by damn its fulfilling.

    • Spikey says:

      04:13pm | 25/09/11

      You don’t know what you’re missing out on Paul M.
      My daughter recently came to me quite puzzled and recounted how one of her classmates had asked if she’d found her formal dress yet - she’s in Year 11 and her formal’s not until next year!  She said, “I don’t know what they’re going on about - who needs that much time to find something to wear? And why would they spend hundreds of dollars on a dress they’ll hardly wear?”
      Off the rack, on-special, formal dress (when the time comes): $80-100, raising a decent kid who doesn’t fall for all the fluff: priceless.

    • xar says:

      01:25pm | 26/09/11

      I can see how you would feel that way :D we parents are often the worst for complaining and the media does love a “bitch on the younger generation” story. I think it is more socially acceptable in this country to denigrate rather than celebrate and derisive humour is popular. As someone who works closely with families I have observed a pretty big shift in attitudes towards kids which seems predominatly based on the negative slants and portrayals combined with a marked lack of understanding about human development and normal child behaviour. I do wonder if it a result of far more people choosing not to have or to delay having children and smaller sized families. No doubt your choice is the right one for you on many levels, I just find it interesting how big the negative perception is in general, over and above the scope of Individual preference.

    • Nerdlinger says:

      04:45pm | 25/09/11

      Ironically does not mean coincidentally.

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      07:11pm | 25/09/11

      You’ve been reading Roy Peter Clark, n’est pas ?
      The Glamour of Grammer ?

    • Dartigen says:

      06:01pm | 25/09/11

      Strange. I never went to a formal. Never saw the point. Formal, party, what was the difference? Same thing to me.
      Someone threw a formal afterparty. Some other people were having just a general party that happened to be that night. I went to both. Had much more fun for much less money. (My school wanted $90 per person for the formal. I could easily think of a dozen restaurants to go to that would cost me a third of that for a meal.)
      And I didn’t buy a dress. I went in jeans and a nice top, both of which I already had. I wasn’t going to buy a dress just to wear to a formal unless I could wear it again to other places. And most of them aren’t really appropriate for anything other than a formal. I didn’t see the point in spending the money.

      (And $1330 all up? Maybe if you’re lazy and don’t shop around. I can get a handmade customized floor-length dress from Alienskins in the UK for about $200 with shipping, I can do my own makeup and nails for about $70-$80, and transport? I have my own car. If I really wanted to go whole-hog, I could probably make my own dress for around $150-$200 - sure, it might take me a week or two to get all together, but it’s much less than getting someone else to make it.
      Maybe if parents taught their kids how to shop around and do things themselves instead of being lazy and paying other people to do it, they wouldn’t spend so much money on them.)

      Reply

    • Alicia says:

      06:03pm | 25/09/11

      I think my parents spent around $400 on my formal in 2003. I was very lucky to get the new dress I wanted, I was stoked as my parents didn’t have a lot of money. I didn’t really enjoy my formal though and barely remember it. My best friend and I wanted to go together as we didn’t have boyfriends but the school refused. Instead we were paired up with other lonely (male) students for the ‘entrance’. Not exactly that memorable fairy tale girls hope for. Glad high school is over and I will never spend that much money on a formal for any future children I may have. Not worth it.

      Reply

    • Summoner Yuna says:

      07:32pm | 25/09/11

      My formal was in 1997 and I found a beautiful dress I stil have for $50. Everyone got ready at my house and my dad, in his beat up old Toyota Tarago drove us the five minutes to the Town Hall.

      My mum paid a dress maker to make my deb dress (she designed it, and it cost about $150), but that was mainly because she really, really, really wanted me to do the deb. I really couldn’t have cared if I did it or not, but it was a really fun night.

      I was at the Show today, and did the Show Trail Showbag. Quite a few times, I saw 14-15 year old boys who looked like hooligans taking their place in the line and saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Older and younger kids were pushing in. It all comes down to the parents - if they teach manners and humilty, their kids will turn out OK. If you tell your kid that they are the most speshul snowflake in the world who is awesome at everything and spoil them rotten, they’ll be little ratbags. It’s been the same in every generation.

      Reply

    • Demoman says:

      08:30pm | 25/09/11

      My cousin is 16 and she attends a private school full of social climbers who are desperate to outdo each other. I full expect her to get such an expensive dress, a stretch hummer as well as expensive hair and nails (she already gets this anyway). The whole thing always looks pretty tacky to me and the girls always look like a pack of whores which society thinks is fine, until you have sex with them of course (at which point they’re innocent children).

      I confronted her mother once on this issue and asked her why she gets everything she wants. Her reply was “She’s a girl! she should get what she wants in life!”. I suppose this stems from the fact that my aunt wasn’t well off as a child and is compensating for this with her own child.

      Not sure if I could blame feminism as other posters have done prior, but I think that the latest wave of gender-raunch has certainly encouraged base female desires. Only now is society rich enough, in particular the status obsessed middle class, to actually materialise female delusions of entitlement.

      All this seems to be a product of the unprecedented amount of wealth the West has had for the last few decades, and with growing wealth comes growing expectation and entitlement. The middle class of this country have a better standard of living than most of the worlds heads of state.In order to maintain ones social status unfortunately one has to buy the status symbols.

      Reply

    • James1 says:

      01:00pm | 26/09/11

      Just goes to show that money can’t buy class.  Some of us are born with dignity and a dislike of stretch hummers, some of us aren’t.

    • Jackie says:

      10:13pm | 25/09/11

      This article & resulting comments go to show “damed if you do, damed if you dont”. Whatever choices & decisions a parent makes on behalf of their child there is someone who will call them out & question their parenting skills & even their own personal value & beliefs. The princess cited in the article is not unlike most of her teenage peers believing the world revolves around them, that is normal, they usually grow out of it, the only difference is that it appears to be at a higher income level, its all relative.

      Reply

    • Jo says:

      10:25pm | 25/09/11

      As a mum of a daughter who had high expectations of how much I would chip in for her year 10 end-of-year-dance, I can only say it was 4 months of arguments and misery leading up to the event (for everyone in the household…hubby and son duckerd for cover!) And all this for year 10!  I stood my ground, but geez it was a hard slog. They can wear you down!!! I really don’t want to go through it again for year 12 (next year). Some other mothers have said that by year 12, there’s a little bit more maturity, and they realise that a dress doesn’t HAVE to cost hundreds in order for it to qualify as a formal dress.  Maybe that’s because most the kids have a part-time job by that stage and appreciate money a little more. The school is planning on downshifting the year 10 celebrations to more of a casual gathering which is good.  I am glad in your intro that you mentioned the parents said no to the young women who wanted a $3k dress…I’m sure they went through the tantrums and tears and shouting matches that I got sucked into reacting to. Lets hope there is more of a swing back to simpler occassions with more emphasis on celebration and hanging out with ones’ peers, rather than on how you look.

      Reply

    • LC says:

      04:03pm | 26/09/11

      Well you could’ve have said “no” to the first time she asked, and then if she carries on like you said she did, send her to her room for an hour or so (taking away any computers or televisions in there, bed early with no dessert/dinner etc, you get my point. A bit of tough love might, just MIGHT have set her straight. If she wants to act like a little child, she can be treated like one.

      But at least you didn’t cave in.

      I wore a suit I picked up for $150 for my formal, with a black shirt ($10) and a white tie ($25) with a gold wristwatch I received from my grandfather before he died (free). A good night out for $210, and I still wear the same outfit for formal occasions. Fits better now than it did back then, actually!

      Personally, I think the story the author started the post on is bullshit. And on the off-chance it did happen, that kid has got much, MUCH, bigger issues than just not getting a dress she wanted.

    • Top Dollar says:

      12:38am | 26/09/11

      “one of Australia’s finest psychologists”... Who’s no doubt charging several hundred per hour for the privilege. If the family dropped the shrink, they could probably afford the dress.

      Reply

    • Harry says:

      08:26am | 26/09/11

      “Admittedly, kids these days study damn hard and deserve a reward”

      No they don’t - this is called life. we celebrate mediocrity at every turn, and this leads to expectations of everything being a right thereafter.

      All the surrounding dribble turns into a selflicking ice cream for the schoolies industry.

      Reply

    • Bruce says:

      09:42am | 26/09/11

      The expression “Formal’ give me the irrates. The event is hardly ‘formal’, more a kaotic event for little kids dressing up !

      Reply

    • Greta says:

      12:11pm | 26/09/11

      There is actually a recognized condition called ‘Princess Bitch Face Syndrome’ - there’s even a book about it.

      Reply

    • Average Joe says:

      12:37pm | 26/09/11

      I can’t believe there is a grade 6 “graduation ball” these days. I heard of this for the first time a few weeks back, and I laughed myself silly. Admittedly, I passed grade 6 close to 30 years ago, but a speech from our principal and some book awards from the Mothers Club was a big enough occasion for us.
      And now there’s a year 10 formal, as well as a year 12 graduation? Where does it end. Is it expected because for the last however many years, people have been indoctrinated with wave after wave of American movies and TV shows that bombard us with the fact that the “prom” is the be all and end all of the young social experience?
      Let the kids have a party and a dance, sure, but formalizing the end of every other school year into some kind of grand ball just seems idiotic to me. It’s not like paying for a decent education isn’t expensive enough as it is.

      Reply

    • grava says:

      01:08pm | 26/09/11

      What about the brownlow tonight - all the awards shows have all become aboutthe red carpet and the photos in the next weeks gossip rag about who’s not wearing cool clotehs or whatever catfight the modern women fight about

      Reply

    • Warriors 20 Manly 12 says:

      01:23pm | 26/09/11

      The Warriors are a Cinderella Story.
      They are too manly for Manly! Ask Peter Peters,Manly Male Feminist !

      Reply

    • Reid Wright says:

      03:19pm | 26/09/11

      If your girl is crying about not having the right dress at her high school dance, then the damage has been done. It’s to late to fix the problem that you’ve spent the last 16 years creating.

      Reply

    • Chris says:

      06:08pm | 26/09/11

      I wrote a sonnet about this:

      Graduation Ball

      She went to Sydney, missed two days of school,
      and came home with a thousand-dollar dress.
      I couldnt quite decide the bigger fool:
      her father, for allowing such excess,
      or her, for stupid pride and vanity.
      My mother did some double-shifts that week
      to help me out, and held her sanity
      (but only just), too tired to even speak.
      The Dress was dazzling, everyone agreed;
      but later, when she passed out at the bar,
      it wasnt pretty. How she tried to plead
      with daddy, as he marched her to the car!
      I spent two hundred bucks - I call it fate:
      I dazzled, too, and went home with her date.

      Reply

    • Pauline says:

      09:17am | 27/09/11

      I really liked the idea of the donating to charity thing… that was excellent.  More of these “formal” events could do that, and look how everyone would benefit.  All those red carpet things where the lady is interviewed about her dress… ask her about the funds she’s raised and her favourite charities… let’s get the word out there!

      Reply
 
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