Bond should go down under, and I ain’t talkin about ladies
James Bond returns to save the world for the 23rd time in “Skyfall”, which premiered in London yesterday.
This thrilling instalment sees Bond venture from his native Britain to exciting new locations. Including Turkey, where he’s only been twice before (“From Russia with Love”, “The World is Not Enough”). And China, which has only been the setting for no less than FOUR Bond films (“You Only Live Twice”, “The Man with the Golden Gun”, “Tomorrow Never Dies”, “Die Another Day”).
Name a country and chances are 007 has killed somebody there. But with the probable exception of a few satisfied Bond Girls, James has never ventured down under.
In fact, he’s never been anywhere in Oceania, at least in film. Nor has he journeyed to Scandinavia, Indonesia, most of Africa or the Middle East. And even though 007 has flown a space shuttle equipped with laser weapons to Sir Hugo Drax’s secret space station IN SPACE, he’s never been to the Republic of Ireland!
I say it’s high time he came to Australia.
But 30-year veteran producer Barbara Broccoli says there are no real bad villains in Australia to warrant a spy-related jaunt to our friendly island nation! I whole heartedly disagree. There are plenty of awful people in Australia.
The script practically writes itself: Bond is sent to the sunburnt country in pursuit of an evil mining magnate – played by Magda Szubanski – hell bent on global domination.
And with so many fantastic and diverse settings for an Australian Bond film, old Barbara would surely have a hard time narrowing down the potential locations.
I can see Bond commandeering a Melbourne tram for a high speed chase down Swanston Street. Then he teams up with a sexy ASIO agent, played by Miranda Kerr or even a proper actress, to fight henchmen on the Sydney Harbour Bridge – a quiet nod to “A View to a Kill”.
As for the final showdown, that takes place in a Western Australian open-pit iron ore mine, where Bond and super villain do battle in those giant dump trucks.
The world has already seen an Aussie James Bond. Who could forget George Lazenby in 1969’s “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”? His performance was panned by critics, but I actually thought he was pretty good. Give the guy a break, Blofeld did a drive-by shooting on Mrs James Bond the day of their wedding. As if YOU wouldn’t shed a tear.
Forget the UN Security Council. Forget the soccer World Cup. Australia should commit itself to securing Bond film 24. I can see the billboard now: “Daniel Craig stars in BOOMERANG – 007 keeps coming back for more!”
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