We worry if we’ve got too much or too little; we notch up our conquests and proudly slip that number into conversation; and we spend more and more time trawling the net looking for it.

We’re looking for friends. Or followers. In the past year, there’s been an 82 per cent jump in the amount of time Australians spend on social networking sites and nearly 10 million of us log more than eight hours a month on Facebook, Twitter and blogs.

Problem is, all this skimming of Wall posts and retweeting is only making us feel more isolated.

According to Relationships Australia, the more we juggled Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and email accounts, the more disconnected we feel and nearly 30 per cent of the hyper-connected 25 to 34 year-olds say they’re lonely.

But, given flicking each other badly punctuated, hastily written emails or excruciatingly self-conscious, faux- ironic Tweets now stands for friendship, is it any wonder we feel increasingly isolated?

We’ve come to rely on basking in the reflected glory of how many “Likes” we get or how many followers we’ve racked up to feel loved the more disconnected we become in our real lives from genuine relationships (platonic or otherwise).

Social media sites have schooled us in the habit of collecting friends like tokens and it’s tough to deny that all the hours we spend on Facebook and Twitter aren’t predominately exercises in narcissism and self-aggrandisement. After all, having an online presence is really about talking - not about listening.

We might incessantly fiddle with our phones, twitching to find out if someone has Tweeted anything funny in the last 30 seconds or if we’ve been “Friended” by that hot guy from accounting, but we’re spending less and less time actually talking to people - in the last two years, 67 per cent of Australians report they’re spending less than ever on their mobile phones.

The problem with all this loneliness isn’t just that you’re more likely to spend a lot of your life sitting at home swigging pinot gris out of the bottle and watching Law & Order reruns (nothing wrong with that -Ed.), but that it can have a significant impact on your body.

American academics have found that loneliness is as bad for your health as being an alcoholic or smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and twice as bad for you as being obese.

A survey of 3000 nurses found that having close friends can also improve your chances of beating cancer, according to British researchers.

So, is it any surprise that the tech world is keen to get in on the friendship business?

Two million men have downloaded the gay hook-up app Grindr globally, but company founder Joel Simkhai says their research shows that the majority of members predominantly use the technology to find friends and not dates.

Simkhai is now getting set to launch Project Amicus, an app specifically designed to hook you up with new friends.

“It’s bringing people out of the house,’’ Simkhai told The Sunday Age recently, “It will be a tool to find other people around you that are like you.”

I wonder, how does an app help you find someone with the same bad taste in movies? Someone who likes the Bold and Beautiful in equal measure to you and is happy to spend hours discussing the merits of a vodka martini verus a gin martini?

Do you think an app is the way to stave off loneliness and help us make new friends?

55 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Erick says:

      06:03am | 22/07/11

      “Do you think an app is the way to stave off loneliness and help us make new friends?”

      I think it makes sense. Before the Internet, your friends were people who happened to be physically close by, and selected at random. The kids on the school bus, the next door neighbours, the people at work.

      This might be fine most of the time, but just because someone lives in a house a few doors down doesn’t mean they share your tastes and interests.

      With the Internet, it’s possible to find people who are more compatible, and eventually get together in the real world. I wish I’d had the net when I was young - would have made life so much easier!

    • Rick says:

      09:25am | 22/07/11

      So have you found anyone Erick?

    • Mark says:

      10:56am | 22/07/11

      Daniela, if you’re going to have a go at Erick, why don’t you just come out and do it?

    • Kika says:

      01:24pm | 22/07/11

      Yeah but who actually bothers meeting people they ‘meet’ on the net? Weird!

    • Erick says:

      01:36pm | 22/07/11

      What’s weird about it? I’ve made friends on the net and met them in real life - where they became friends in real life as well. What’s wrong with that?

    • Fiddler says:

      02:07pm | 22/07/11

      I’ve nailed quite a few chicks I have met over FB without putting much effort in. I think girls are more likely to come out of their shell/chase after someone if they don’t have the uncomfortableness of having to start things up face to face.

    • Erick says:

      03:19pm | 22/07/11

      I think that goes both ways, Fiddler.

      The Internet is a boon to friendship - at all levels!

    • deb says:

      07:39am | 22/07/11

      What is wrong with reruns of law and order? I get to watch them again and washed down with that glass of white i may just remember this episode.
      Never, never do i use Facebook since the day somebody hacked in my account and used my info to talk to my grandson,pretending to be me! I was the one left trying to explain that it wasn`t me,talk about a brick wall.
      I believe Facebook is nasty! Parents should be able to have access to their kids pages. social networking? or just an excuse not to face people ?

    • Joan says:

      07:50am | 22/07/11

      What`s a friend?. A friend is more than a chat. Close buddy friends don’t come in the thousands, blogs and face book won’t change that no matter how much `chat`, or twits. . Nothing like the real thing , face to face, human contact , to get the real picture of your relationship. However nothing like a good blog, real friends can’t fill your life 24/24. Now instead of watching garbage, rehash on TV , people interact for 8 hours per week on internet- nothing scarey about that. internet just an alternate way of communication with willing participants. Academics can go jump.

    • Shiralee says:

      04:15pm | 22/07/11

      As Deb said perfect way for someone to hack into your account and steel your info and pretend to be you. Email and the internet is just the same. I’m speaking from experience. Had my credit card details stolen. And yes I do have Email and a Facebook account, though I never Say anything on facebook,just read what friends/ family have said.

    • Quality Better than Quantity says:

      08:27am | 22/07/11

      I only have 6 really close friends, but know a lot more.  Knowing a few people well is better than 100 aquaintances - that just maths without meaning.

    • Jay Santos says:

      08:34am | 22/07/11

      “...1048 friends, 4598 followers, 1 lonely soul…”

      Sounds like your describing Liberal turncoat Malcolm Turnbull.

    • Rick says:

      09:27am | 22/07/11

      More than the mad monk?

    • MD says:

      08:49am | 22/07/11

      People who formed many shallow friendships but few strong ones have always existed, and always will exist. The internet just makes it easier for them.

    • NSW says:

      09:16am | 22/07/11

      Someone oughta create an app that randomly reminds the fakebook user of how much of a loser they are. Much like an annoying popup, the wanker would be uploading carefully selected photos of themself when a box would appear with something like “Get a life you vain tosser” or “You are the worst person on the planet”.

      Seriously though, why the constant articles about social “networking”? Its really quite simple - anyone that uses any form of social networking, espeically fakebook is an oxygen thieving, small minded idiot.

    • Rick says:

      09:29am | 22/07/11

      So you use it all the time then?

    • Jay Santos says:

      09:47am | 22/07/11

      “...Someone oughta create an app that randomly reminds the fakebook user of how much of a loser they are…”

      It’s called a Login.  Surely that should be reminder enough?

    • NSW says:

      10:19am | 22/07/11

      Jay santos - good point.

    • john says:

      10:24am | 22/07/11

      NSW you miserable simpleton… you really couldn’t be generalising any more about Facebook.

      Some people use it like you describe… they probably have some genuine self-esteem issues.  And they had them before Facebook came along, and it was still pretty visible for anybody who cared to look.

      Plenty of other people just use it sparingly as a way to talk and share with friends.  It can be very, very useful for this.  You don’t have to post messages or photos that are broadcast to everybody.  People you barely know aren’t interested anyway, so what’s the point in bothering them?

      As with anything, there’s nothing wrong with the tool, and those who use it in a way that benefits them.  The problem is just with some people.  Problem users are generally celebrity worshippers who model their Facebook profile on the carefully sculpted profile of a celebrity, and don’t even comprehend that others are simply not interested (in celebrities or them).  I can’t count how many “friends” I have “hidden”.  They’re not visible to me, and that’s what suits me.

      It’s fine if you use it in a way that suits you, and own it rather than it “owning” you.

    • Grateful for Technology says:

      10:33am | 22/07/11

      Here’s a thought NSW, take your computer throw it out the window and then head down to the local football club where the jocks who used to beat on you regularly will take great joy in your return as their fists were getting all flabby. Do you want to explain to my bedridden Grandmother why her only form of constant communication with her old friends makes her an oxygen thief? I really hope you are a troll for your sake.

    • Justin says:

      11:06am | 22/07/11

      I confess to posting carefully selected photos of myself on Facebook. The criteria is: I must have my helmet on, I must not have a clear visor, either the irridim reflective or dark tinted only.

      Much like the stig, I don’t want the intrewebs to know what I look like, does that make me vain? I enjoy a good ride, if my GoPro happens to pick up some cool pictures, and I share them with friends and family (always friends only, and don’t have anyone I don’t talk to at least once a week on the list.), does that make me a vain loser too? Facebook is a tool, and much like a shifter, can be misused by morons, but sheerly posessing an account to use the tool, does not describe the person.

    • Aaron says:

      11:41am | 22/07/11

      Hey NSW, I use Facebook as a way of keeping in touch with the wife while at work as the phone-lines here must always be open for customers to call through, email isn’t instant enough, I don’t use a mobile as I don’t make that many calls or txt that many people.

      But if that makes me an Oxygen thief then I’m proud to be one… I’ll be popping around to steal yours later.

    • Kika says:

      01:34pm | 22/07/11

      Well, NSW, considering you are here venting your thoughts on an online blog publicly mass debating (pun intended) maybe you should re-think your self righteous high brow stance?

    • Romli065 says:

      01:58pm | 22/07/11

      LOL NSW I loved your idea about the app popping up telling Facebook users to “get a life”, I think that’s hilarious!  I use Facebook, but less and less lately, it’s getting a bit tedious - especially the vain wankers putting up new photots of themselves, their kids, their partners, their new shoes etc. etc.  I’m over it.  Thanks for giving me a good old giggle on a Friday afternoon hahahahaha smile

    • n_dude says:

      05:02pm | 22/07/11

      @Justin - you could also wear a burka for your photo!

    • andye says:

      10:43pm | 23/07/11

      Im sure with that kind of charm you are very popular with many interesting friends.

    • Holly says:

      10:04am | 22/07/11

      As a migrant, I rely heavily on facebook to keep up to date and in contact with my friends and family back in England. Yes I do use Skype and the good old-fashioned telephone, but it would be impractical and expensive to call all of my friends, and not all of them have Skype either. Yes there are people who use it excessively, but there’s nothing new.

    • Kika says:

      03:43pm | 22/07/11

      Well, not ‘all’. I may have exaggerated that. I will say the fair majority are. And I think it’s nice. If you don’t see it that way and would rather not be friendly with people you grew up with fine. Don’t know what school you went to but I didn’t dislike many from my grade.

    • Catherine says:

      10:38am | 22/07/11

      There’s lots of ways to use social networking. And yes, some of these ways can leave you sitting in an empty house, hoarding “friends” and followers but with no one to talk to.

      For some of us, though, ways to keep in touch via the internet have expanded our ranges of actual friends. When I went to the UK last year, I met up with a lot of people face-to-face who I’d previously only known online. We spent time together and went and did things together, and I had a great time. Since coming home, the internet has allowed me to stay in touch with them in a more immediate and direct way than a letter once or twice a month.

      Most of these people I never would have known without the internet, and I’d be a poorer person for not having met them. Being able to meet new people online, through discussion forums for common interests, substantially widens the range of options for people who might otherwise never meet someone else with the same hobby or favourite tv show as them.

      Closer to home, I have friends who have moved out of my immediate area, and again, the internet helps me stay in touch. Short chats via twitter and facebook updates, comment thread discussions on blog entries - all of these things keep my friends in my life, even though they’re several hours or several states away from me.

      It’s great for people with illnesses - physical or psychiatric - who can’t go out and meet people in the more traditional ways. Chronic illness no longer forces a life of loneliness on its sufferers - forums like “But You Don’t Look Sick” allow them to find friends who understand what they’re going through, and services like twitter and facebook let them take part in the lives of their families and friends, in a way that they could never do otherwise.

      The internet and social networking are simply resources. How you make use of them is up to you. But if you measure your self-worth in likes and +1s, you probably weren’t going to be very happy offline, either.

    • kika says:

      01:32pm | 22/07/11

      I agree. I love how pretty much everyone from my graduation year at school are friends on facebook. Even though we’ve grown up and have different lives and sometimes live so far away we’re still connected. It’s nice.

    • Giraffe says:

      03:11pm | 22/07/11

      Kika,

      Everyone from your graduation year at school were not freinds, are not freinds and never will be freinds. Why is ‘nice’ that they are connected on facebook?

    • Chris L says:

      03:23pm | 23/07/11

      Conversely, Giraffe, why is that a bad thing?

    • Giraffe says:

      11:57pm | 23/07/11

      I never said it was a bad thing. Kika suggested it was ‘nice’ that a bunch of people that are not friends in real life are connected on facebook and I asked why?

      I think it’s odd that, generally, people have ‘friends’ on facebook that aren’t actually friends at all.

    • jay-ded says:

      10:44am | 22/07/11

      Since I don’t use either Twitter or Facebook, I don’t know what you’re talking about. 

      / end superior attitude.  smile

    • Chris L says:

      03:28pm | 23/07/11

      Yeah? Well, I don’t watch television!!!!! tongue laugh

    • Thommo says:

      11:44am | 22/07/11

      People readingthis will think I just made it up , but I gaurantee it’s 100% true. I have no friends at all anymore because of the simple fact that every single one of them hit on my wife. Lesson to people - not always great having a really hot wife.

    • Kika says:

      01:26pm | 22/07/11

      My husband likes his mates liking me for some weird reason. It’s a total turn on for him knowing other males find me desirable. Maybe you shouldn’t feel so threatened and actually appreciate the fact that your wife is still attractive and hot enough to pull other men. Some wives just turn into old hags the minute the ring is on the finger! Stop being so possessive!

    • Giraffe says:

      08:49pm | 22/07/11

      ‘your wife is still attractive and hot enough to pull other men.’

      1. Women don’t ‘pull’ men.
      2. Women don’t need to be attractive and hot for men to want to bang them.
      3. Men don’t go around telling their mates they want to f*ck their wives.

    • Chris L says:

      03:25pm | 23/07/11

      1: ICB
      2: True, some will bang anything with a pulse.
      3: Thommo said that his friends hit on his wife. This implies action which constitutes more that simply saying “they want to f*ck their wives”

    • Giraffe says:

      12:02am | 24/07/11

      1. ICB is…?
      2. Glad we agree here
      3. Ok, men don’t hit on their mates wives either. The point was that the friends that Thommo talks about were never real friends in the first place.

    • MichaelM says:

      12:24pm | 22/07/11

      Social organisations such as Relationships Australia making statements which seek to mind everyone’s business?? Never…

    • Sigmoid says:

      12:56pm | 22/07/11

      Hey baby, come over to MySpace and I’ll Twitter your Yahoo til you Google all over my Facebook.

      Thommo, your wife looks so hot in those movies. Who can blame me for Direct Messaging her.

    • Kika says:

      01:30pm | 22/07/11

      I have twitter, but don’t use it for socialising. I mainly use it to log in once a blue moon to see what my favourite celebrities have been saying. I love my facebook though. I check on it every few hours now since I’ve downloaded the Iphone app. It’s bad. But I love connecting with my family mostly. My husband has all his relatives overseas and it’s nice to be able to connect so well with our family over there, instead of the old school letters and phone calls. They aren’t the same as being able to keep in touch so readily and being up to date.

    • Giraffe says:

      03:14pm | 22/07/11

      Your life must be sad to want to check your FB every few hours.

    • Kika says:

      03:45pm | 22/07/11

      No, it’s not sad.  Lots of my friends have had babies lately and are always loading new pics and like I said a lot of my family are O/S and I don’t see much of my cousins too much anymore, so it’s good to keep in contact with them regularly. I’m sorry you are sad and lonely and have no friends or that you dislike your family.

    • Yuri says:

      04:50pm | 22/07/11

      Ugh, people with kids are the worst thing about facebook. I have about 100 friends but literally half of my newsfeed is taken up by one chick constantly going on about her kid. I’m seriously considering defriending, but with a self worth / friend value as low as 100 I can’t afford to lose any.

    • Flutz says:

      08:08pm | 24/07/11

      @ Yuri - you don’t need to de-friend her, just hide her posts.  That way she’s still your “friend” but you don’t have to be bombarded by her posts in your newsfeed.

    • n_dude says:

      03:25pm | 22/07/11

      “American academics have found that loneliness is as bad for your health as being an alcoholic or smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and twice as bad for you as being obese.”

      Does that mean that we need to put dire warnings on social media sites with gruesome pictures e.g. “Too much Facebook could lead to loneliness which could lead to gangrene or blindness” or “Facebook encourages responsible social networking”

    • James Hunter says:

      03:45pm | 22/07/11

      My Beagles comfort me and in winter warm me.they do not borrow the car, they do not get drunk and abusive and they do not reject my love so enough said

    • Kim says:

      03:55pm | 22/07/11

      Anyone who has time for social networking doesn’t have enough friends.

    • Techno Beddo says:

      03:56pm | 22/07/11

      I just wish most of the healthy Twitterers would fall of their twig and leave the lines open to people who really need it and can’t be out and about and make real friends.

    • matt says:

      04:06pm | 22/07/11

      The best part about this commentry peice is the Team America video , I love it !!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Danilea

    • Tamagotchi says:

      07:17pm | 22/07/11

      I made a tumblr and got a bit paranoid of all the followers… the more I got, the less I said about myself. Rarely there’d be someone nice. Usually it’s people who follow for a follow… tis truly lonely! I follow heaps of people back and all their posts are along the lines of: lost love, depression, loneliness, Harry Potter and random ‘diary’ entries about how pissed off they are…

    • Eva says:

      10:47pm | 22/07/11

      I had a similar experience. I wrote a blog and the more followers I got the less I wanted to reveal. Eventually I deleted it for that reason. I’ve begun again as the urge to write is strong but now I don’t make any attempt to attract followers.

    • Al Chunk says:

      06:40pm | 23/07/11

      New technology is “as well as” and not “instead of”.  I love Indian food but I’ve become rather partial to Lebanese recently so do I stop eating Indian?  No, I’d be pretty silly to, but that’s how some approach new technologies.

 

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